Suddenly Everything is Clear
by A-dono
Summary: AU S3. Lucas Scott has never felt more lost in his entire life. Leyton eventually.
1. Clarity

**A/N:** Hey everyone, this is my first fanfiction. It's an AU version of 3x18 and it's a Leyton, so Brucas fans beware. (j/k) I'm a novice writer, so expect there to be flaws, though I hope to improve with enough practice.

This was supposed to be a one-shot, but it ended up being longer than I anticipated, so it's probably going to be three or four chapters. Anyway, enjoy. ;)

* * *

**Chapter One: Clarity**

It was about 7:00am when the first light of morning found its way into the room, gray and fuzzy, and cast a gentle ambience. However, Lucas had been awake since 5:30am.

He had been lying restlessly for hours, gaze suspended on the white ceiling above him, the comforter resting down near his lower abdomen, one hand draped atop his chest, the other lying limp beside his head on the pillow, but he had yet to summon the will to actually get up and start the day.

Even the pangs of hunger that periodically gnawed at his stomach couldn't rouse him to action and Lucas just gritted his teeth and bared it. Finally, ten minutes later, his nearly bursting bladder did the job and motivated him to get out of bed.

His joints popped as he got up, and Lucas winced at the stiffness in his back and the dull ache in the back of his neck. Lucas had always been a sound sleeper, but as of late he'd been suffering from insomnia, and hours of exasperating tossing and turning and lying in precarious positions had left him achy and sore.

The cause of his insomnia was not a mystery to Lucas, as today was yet another day he would have to face the world without his Uncle Keith in it.

On his feet, Lucas padded over to the door of his room but did not open it. Instead, he leaned against the doorframe and listened for any sounds of movement or activity in the house. His mother had always been any early riser. You had to be when you owned and operated your own business, but ever since Keith's funeral, she rarely left her room before noon, sometimes even later than that. Still, Lucas didn't want to risk the chance of running into her.

For as pathetic as it was, Lucas Scott feared his own mother.

In his eighteen years, Lucas had never actually been afraid of his mother, even when she had been at her most furious over something he had done. But it wasn't his physical well-being that he feared for, nor was it any punishments his mother might inflict on him.

It was what might come out of her mouth that made Lucas so weary of crossing paths with her. Horribly hurtful words like the ones she had spoken to him a few nights ago after she'd found out that Lucas had pulled Dan out of the dealership fire.

Lucas had blamed himself for Keith's death-blamed himself for running back into the school. "Well 'sorry,' isn't gonna' bring him back." Seven words, spoken with such malice and contempt. Those words had been like dirty shards of glass that had lacerated Lucas's heart. He and his mother had not had a real conversation since that night, and they made it a point to avoid each other whenever they were in the house at the same time.

So Lucas waited an additional three minutes before he slowly and quietly opened the door and crept out into the hall. To his left, the living room and foyer were still dark, the morning light unable to penetrate the closed shades and blinds. To his right, in the kitchen, a delicate sheen of violet hue caressed the table and part of the refrigerator.

In the bathroom, after relieving his bladder, Lucas started up the shower, wincing at the forceful rumble of the water rushing out of the tap, hoping it wasn't loud enough to disturb his mother. Adjusting the water to make it as hot as he could tolerate it, Lucas allowed the stream to envelope him. Gales of steaming water sluiced down every contour of his nude form washing away the lingering film of fatigue and stiffness from his joints, but they could not wash away the thoughts in his head.

The memories of that day; the still lingering sensation and taste of a certain pair of lips on Lucas's own; her scent; her strikingly blonde hair and wondrously emerald-green eyes. Lucas could not get Peyton Sawyer out of his head, and it was driving him insane.

A shiver passed down his spine when he thought about the kiss they'd shared in the library that day, and he had been thinking about that kiss almost constantly since. Lucas knew he had no business thinking about Peyton that way, especially since he was with Brooke. He'd sworn he would never hurt the brunette again like he had before, but Lucas knew he was doing it unconsciously, and it was tearing him apart. Truth be told, though he loved Brooke and had fought for her and gone to every length to convince her that he loved her, Lucas was beginning to question whether he and the redhead were really meant for each other. He had been questioning it even before the shooting occurred, and even though he'd assured Peyton that he was completely in love with her during their conversation in the library during the party, he didn't really even know how to define that love anymore. It wasn't the all-consuming, passionate love he'd expected it to be and Lucas felt like he was stuck in a routine rather than engaged in a loving relationship.

Finished, Lucas stepped out of the shower and onto the tiled bathroom floor. The air chilled his damp skin slightly and he quickly pulled a towel around himself. He stopped drying himself for a minute and stood perfectly still, straining his ears. Nothing. Absolute stillness and quiet. Other than the occasional plink and patter of residual water from the faucet splattering on the shower floor, nothing else seemed to stir within the house. The sound of the shower had either not awakened his mother or had simply not provoked any reaction from her. He was in the clear, for now.

Lucas felt his face burn with shame and guilt. A squall of melancholy and self-loathing washed over him at the realization of his complete and utter cowardice. He should be pouring every fiber of his being into trying to comfort and soothe his mother. He should be trying to ease her burden and helping her through her unimaginable loss, not hiding from her. But he was terrified to look into those haunted eyes of hers; afraid that he might see the contempt and accusation lurking within them.

Lucas felt his stomach twist and his eyes burn with unshed tears. A violent sob built within him and almost escaped before Lucas clamped down on it with all his might. Instead, it calcified into a lump in his throat and his breath caught. In the weeks since the shooting and Keith's death, Lucas had never truly allowed himself to completely break down. Sure, he had cried a bit, in private, but he had never opened the flood gates all the way and let loose. Lucas saw no point in doing that, it wouldn't make anything better. Besides, he needed to be strong.

Right, be strong….for who? His mother? The mother who blamed him for Keith's death? The mother who Lucas was too chickenshit to face?

Deep down, the rational part of Lucas knew Keith would've gone back into that school whether or not he'd been in there. And his heart absolutely forbid any part of Lucas from regretting going back in there and carrying Peyton out. But Lucas still blamed himself. He blamed himself because his mother blamed him, and in the midst of it all, rationality could not find a foothold.

Once again, a vision of Peyton's normally creamy complexion becoming steadily paler intruded into his mind. His heart began to pump with the familiar tempo of terror it always did whenever he thought of that day.

The day he almost lost her.

* * *

The first shards of sunlight pierced the morning sky and hailed down upon the rustic cabin sequestered in the woods, sprinkling light through the window in the room that Peyton occupied. According to her cell phone, the time was 7:00am, but Peyton was pretty sure she'd woken sometime around five. She shared the room with Brooke, though the girl in question was currently sound asleep in the bunk above Peyton's, her steady breathing and soft snoring the only sound in the room.

Normally, Peyton would've been sound asleep around this time as well. She wasn't a morning person, and more often than not, rousing her from sleep was akin to prying railroad tracks out of the ground with bare hands. However, some mornings, like this one, she found herself wide awake in spite of the early hour. She couldn't fall back to sleep no matter how hard she tried, but she didn't feel like getting up and wandering around the cabin either, so she was stuck for the time being.

She regretted even agreeing to take this trip up to Rachel's cabin, but she supposed it would've been better than slumming around her house and the rest of Tree Hill alone. Although, if she'd known ahead of time that Lucas would've decided not to come she might have favored the former option, because then they would've been alone and miserable together.

She shouldn't have been thinking like that. That was definitely wrong-thought. It was bound to lead her down a dangerous path, one she couldn't go down a second time. But damnit, she simply couldn't stop thinking about Lucas. The feeling of his lips on hers; his crystal blue eyes that seemed to contain as much depth as the universe; his chiseled jaw and defined cheek-bones; his upturned nose; his caring and concerned demeanor; and most of all, the earth-shattering words she had uttered to him in the library on that terrible day.

"_If I say I love you… will you hold it against me?"_

She'd been agonizing over those words even more than the fact that she'd almost died. She couldn't understand what had possessed her to say those words; they'd just come out of her against her will or at least her conscious will. But it was a complete farce to try and pretend that she hadn't meant them with every fiber of her being, even if she'd told Lucas she hadn't in the library the night of the party Brooke had thrown in the school.

Brooke.

Peyton loved her like a sister. She had been her rock since her mother's death, and Peyton dreaded losing the brunette as a friend like she had briefly last year after the disastrous love triangle between them and Lucas. Each time she let a thought about Lucas intrude into her head she was steadily risking another estrangement between her and Brooke, she realized.

Letting out a soft sigh between her lips, Peyton shifted her lithe frame somewhat to relieve some pressure from her aching joints, slightly turning her head toward the window that was illuminated by slivers of the first morning light. The soft whisper of Brooke's steady respiration continued to fill the room, and outside the cry of a distant bird echoed faintly.

Closing her eyes tightly, Peyton attempted to scrub her mind clean of all thoughts of blond hair, soulful blue eyes, and calloused lips. Unfortunately, she was dismayed when she felt her heart race and a not unpleasant sensation of warm tingles flower within her at the thought of the elder Scott brother.

It was futile. Lucas would not leave her mind or heart.

Peyton wasn't sure how long she'd been caught up in her reverie, but it must've been awhile, because she hadn't realized that the rhythmic pattern of Brooke's breathing had ceased.

"Peyton, you awake?"

Peyton was startled by the girl's voice, and it took her a second or two to respond. "Yeah."

"Couldn't sleep, huh?"

"Not really," she replied. Of course, she wasn't going to tell Brooke that she was awake because she couldn't stop thinking about her boyfriend.

"Hear anything from Pete?" the brunette asked.

"He texted me last night. He says there's like an emergency meeting with the label head or something, and he can't make it."

"I'm sorry," Brooke said, her voice radiating sympathy.

"Don't be." And she meant it. Pete Wentz had been the farthest thing from her mind throughout this whole trip. Peyton hadn't felt nearly as disappointed as she thought she would've when she'd gotten the text from Pete hours ago saying he couldn't come. He'd left a number and told her to call him later, but Peyton had no plans on doing so.

Any other girl in Peyton's shoes might've jumped at the chance to hook up with a celebrity and rock star, but Peyton knew any thoughts she had entertained about Pete Wentz were just a girlish fantasy. It would never work out due to how different their schedules and lifestyles were.

Plus, he wasn't Lucas.

Peyton cringed. Definite wrong-thought there. She heard Brooke sigh above her.

"I can't believe he didn't want to come."

Peyton didn't need to guess who He was. Brooke had been pretty livid yesterday when Lucas had opted out of this trip to the cabin, and had done nothing but mope around ever since. Though she felt for Brooke, Peyton also understood Lucas's need to be alone. Thinking about what had happened to Keith, Peyton's heart broke for Lucas and Karen, but especially Lucas. He had lost the closest thing he had to a father who had been right on the verge of officially becoming his father. That's not something you get over in a matter of weeks.

Outside of the night of the party in the school, Peyton hadn't really had a chance to talk with Lucas alone and she had found herself yearning for his presence. She saw him around school or at Tric, though, and when she caught sight of the sheer sadness and aguish in his eyes, Peyton wanted to sob. She wanted to take him into her arms, kiss his brow and just hold him, siphon the pain from him and free him from the hideous burden he didn't deserve to bare.

Of course she couldn't do that. He was with Brooke and Peyton knew he had been pushing her away lately. It wouldn't have gone over well. So Peyton was condemned to watch from the sidelines, helpless.

"Brooke, he's in a lot of pain right now."

"I know," Brooke replied with a hint of indignation. "But he never wants to talk about it! And besides, the whole purpose of this trip was so that we could all try and heal. How is Lucas going to heal when he's alone hiding in his room?"

"He's not hiding, Brooke, he's dealing in his own way. You can't force him to talk about it if he's not ready; you have to give him time."

There was silence for a minute, and Peyton wondered if she'd offended her best friend.

Then: "Maybe your right." Though from her tone, she didn't sound completely convinced. "Anyway, I'm going to try and get some more shut-eye."

"Okay," Peyton acknowledged.

"Hey P. Sawyer," Brooke said. "Thanks."

Trying to suppress the guilt bubbling within her gullet, Peyton replied: "Anytime B. Davis."

Peyton didn't know specifically where the guilt came from. Maybe it was because she ached to comfort Lucas herself or maybe it was because a part of her resented Brooke for being that girl for him, she really didn't know.

Deep down, though, Peyton couldn't shake the feeling that she was going to end up hurting the brunette girl again.

God, she hoped not.

* * *

Back in his room, Lucas finished toweling off and proceeded to dress for the day; loose dark jeans and a black t-shirt. He grabbed his wallet and keys, and checked the former to make sure he had enough cash in case he needed gas or anything else. He did not intend to return home until late at night. It was a Saturday, so he didn't have school, and since the Café was still closed and there was no basketball practice, Lucas was left without anything to do. Still, anything was better than loitering around here, his house, and facing the possibility of encountering his mother.

A chirp from his cell phone alerted him to another voicemail. It had been ringing off the hook all yesterday afternoon and had been bleeping frequently throughout the night, though Lucas had ignored it consistently. It may not have been polite, but he was in no mood to deal with anyone right now. He knew Brooke was pissed at him for not coming on the trip to the cabin owned by Rachel's parents, but he didn't care.

Brooke, Nathan, Haley and the others had practically threatened to carry him out to the car by his arms and legs when he'd told them he wasn't going, but Lucas had pleaded that he needed to stay home and take care of his mother, and had convinced them that he wasn't feeling well. He could tell none of them really bought his excuses, but mercifully, they had finally relented and left without him.

Though it might have been refreshing to relax in a cabin in the woods with his closest friends and family for the weekend, Lucas needed solitude in order to sort his thoughts out. He loved them for their concern, but he just wanted one weekend to himself where he didn't have to spend almost all of his time convincing everyone he was going to be okay or have to parry Brooke's incessant attempts to get him to open up to her about his feelings.

Besides, if he had gone he would've had to share a room with Brooke. The opportunity to share a room with his girlfriend in a cabin out in the woods would've been to any teenage boy like a personal key to the Elysian Fields, but Lucas didn't have it in him to play boyfriend for the weekend.

'_Maybe even beyond that,'_ he thought to himself.

Lucas plucked his phone from its charger on the night stand and flipped it open to reveal that he had at least a dozen voicemails. Most of them were from Brooke and Haley, a few were from his brother, and a couple were from Skillz and Mouth. He was disappointed to find none from Peyton. He shouldn't be, but he was, and he wasn't going to pretend he didn't yearn to hear her voice.

Something inside Lucas quietly shifted. That tiny internal admission somehow made him feel a little bit lighter. But his mind and heart were still conflicted. His feelings for Peyton had left a trail of pain, regrets and broken hearts for him, Brooke and Peyton last time and he absolutely would not allow himself to hurt anyone else.

If Lucas let his feelings for Peyton consume him once again, he would end up hurting Brooke, and he couldn't do that, not after he'd sworn he would never do it again, after he'd sworn to be a better a guy, a guy Keith could be proud of.

With a flick of his finger, Lucas deleted the unheard voicemails. Pocketing his cell, Lucas went to shut the door to his closet, but just as he was about to close it, his eyes caught sight of the edge of a small box that was tucked beneath a gym bag and a spare basketball.

His Peyton Box.

He had not touched it in awhile, but he was always aware of it peripherally. Even after Brooke had stumbled across it last summer and he'd mumbled some half-assed excuse about keeping it to remind himself of all the mistakes he made, he had not gotten rid of it. The box contained over a dozen letters he'd written to Peyton but had never mailed; letters in which he had bared his heart and soul until he was as raw as sandpaper. There were also pictures of Peyton and of the two of them together, and mixes she had made for him.

He shut the closet door a little too hard. Lucas shrugged on his grey hoody with the Keith Scott Body Shop logo printed on the back, and with keys in hand, exited his house. The sun had now asserted its dominance in the sky and its rays subjugated the land below.

The day had no business being so bright when his mood was so dark and Lucas lifted his head up toward the sky and glared, as if his defiance might bring forth a blanket of bruised gray clouds. Inside his car, the vintage '67 Mustang Shelby GT500 that Keith had left for him, he leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes, willing his muddled thoughts to dissipate. Finally, he turned the key in the ignition and the muscle car's engine roared to life.

For the next hour, Lucas just cruised the back roads of Tree Hill, soaking in the rural scenery. He allowed the monotonic purr of the Shelby's V8 engine to lull him into a state of semi-relaxation as he drove, and for awhile, Lucas felt like himself again.

However, his tranquility was shattered by a combination of anxiety and nostalgia as he turned onto the next road. After about a mile, he found himself pulling over onto a grassy clearing that parted the trees that lined a lake. He killed the engine and exited the vehicle.

Slowly turning around and around, letting his eyes drink in every aspect and nuance of the lakeside, Lucas felt a stirring within him. A steady breeze soughed through the grassy space and the branches of the surrounding trees and foliage whispered in harmony with the wind, while the silvery surface of the lake rippled with subtle waves.

Like the breeze that flowed through the trees, a gust of memories flowed through Lucas. This was the spot where Peyton's old '68 Mercury Comet Caliente had broken down over a year ago. She had called Keith's shop for assistance and he had sent Lucas out on the call. He remembered how shocked he'd been when he had pulled up in the tow-truck and seen that the car he'd been sent to service belonged to the girl of his dreams.

Lucas had spoken his first words to Peyton in this very spot and in doing so his life had been changed forever. It had been over a year, yet this place still seemed to be haunted by her presence though Lucas couldn't really explain why. All he knew was that being here somehow made him feel closer to her.

Abruptly, Lucas found himself awash in other memories: the first time they'd kissed, heatedly, at the party hosted by Dan; how he'd bared his heart to her only to have it shattered like so much fine china at that same party; the night she'd shown up at his door telling him she wanted all the same things he did, but ultimately couldn't have them since in the wake of the heartbreak she'd inflicted on him he had turned to Brooke; the fevered and passionate kisses and embraces they had shared in the corners of the library or in the janitor's closet, hiding themselves from the prying eyes of others, from Brooke, whom he had been dating at the time; and then the day in his room when she had told him that there was no way back for them.

Lucas didn't realize he was clenching his fists until he felt the stinging of his nails digging into his palms. Acid roiled in his stomach and he felt his guts clench tightly as the memories of his past with Peyton continued to run through him unrestrained.

Her beautiful emerald-green eyes tempered with hurt and disappointment after she had learned he'd hooked up with Nikki the night of the party in Nathan's apartment; her locker being defaced and him going to check up on her at her house, only to be forced to come to terms with how poorly he'd treated her when she took him to task for it; and calling Jake and then seeing the two of them happy and in love all around campus while he tried to ignore the pangs in his heart.

Lucas loathed the person he'd been a year ago. The version of himself that had used Brooke for comfort and then cheated on her; that had traded Peyton's respect and heart in for a quick, meaningless romp with Nikki on a carousel. He literally burned with shame and disgust with the knowledge that he had let himself become the type of guy he had sworn he would never be.

But most of all, he was ashamed that he had let Peyton down. She had believed, thanks to his callous actions, that she had meant nothing to him when in fact she had meant everything.

Suddenly weak in the knees, Lucas collapsed into a sitting position on the grass. He drew his knees up to his chest and braced them with his arms. Clarity had hit him so hard it had knocked him off his feet. Of course, it was all so obvious now. Why hadn't he seen it before?

His mind flashed back to last summer. It had been just him and Peyton for the entire three months and they had used that time to repair their fractured friendship. It had been the best summer of his life. The two had spent almost all of their time together doing trivial things. Listening to music; driving the back roads with the top of her Comet down; walking along the beach just talking and gazing out at the ocean. He remembered when she had painted the mural of the Rivercourt on the walls of his room and they had playfully flicked paint at one another, laughing all the way.

Then he was taken back to that day in the library; the day of the shooting. Lucas had crouched beside her, held her, comforted her and watched as the gunshot wound in her ankle had continued to bleed. A feeling of complete helplessness had enveloped him as she had grown paler and weaker by the minute. The look in her eyes; fear, yes, but something else. Something he was once certain he would never see again after how badly he had screwed things up between them. Perhaps it had been his imagination, but a huge part of Lucas desperately hoped it had been love.

Love.

He understood now, and for the first time Lucas's heart was no longer conflicted, not even in the slightest.

Back in the library as he had watched her slowly fade away he had come far too close to having to live in a world without Peyton Sawyer in it. Living in a world without his Uncle Keith was almost unbearable, but somewhere deep down he had realized that living in that world without Peyton would be impossible.

Because he was in love with her; completely, unconditionally in love. He always had been but he had just been too blind and stubborn to see it.

Lucas wasn't sure how long he had been sitting there in the grass. To him it seemed like hours had passed though in reality it had probably only been a few moments. He was facing the road, as still as a statue, jaw slack, eyes slightly widened. He was staring at nothing in particular, and the occasional car that passed only registered ephemerally to him.

"I love Peyton," he spoke aloud to no one, his voice slightly raspy.

Slowly, his guts unclenched and he felt a pleasant calm overtake him. He let out a sigh and stood up, unceremoniously dusting his jeans off. He was about to walk back to the car, but the ringtone of his cell phone stopped him in his tracks and shattered the calm and serenity of the scenery.

He pulled his cell from his pocket and glanced at the screen. It was Brooke. Lucas pressed 'ignore' and the phone fell silent. However, a second later it began to ring again. It was still Brooke. Lucas ignored the call. But yet again, almost immediately, it rang. Brooke was not giving up.

With a grunt of annoyance, Lucas turned the phone off. Before he could even put it back in his pocket, it chirped, indicating that he had received voicemail. Lucas didn't need to look to see who it was from. He walked back to the Shelby and got in and his phone chirped again.

Back on the road, in the car, Lucas drove to the one place he knew he would be able to process his sudden revelation. His phone chirped five more times by the time he reached the Rivercourt, and each was like a nail being driven into the side of Lucas's head. Thoughts were swarming through his head like angry bees whose hive had just been violated, and the incessant electronic bleeping of the device was preventing him from concentrating.

He pulled up a few feet from the court and parked, shutting the engine off. He glanced over at his phone. It was blessedly silent for the time being, but Lucas had no doubt that Brooke would continue relentlessly until his voicemail was completely full. Though incredibly irritated, Lucas also felt like a complete shit for ignoring her. She was probably just worried about him; they were all probably worried about him.

Grudgingly, before he could lose himself on the blacktop he knew he would have to call Brooke and try to smooth things out. Grabbing the phone, he turned it back on and almost immediately it began to ring. Taking a breath, Lucas opened it.

"Hello?" he said, almost timidly.

There was silence for a few seconds, and then: "Where've you been?"

"Busy."

"'Busy,'" she replied, her smoky voice tinged with skepticism. "Busy in the shower, busy in the Café, busy on the toilet, busy how, Lucas? Just give me an idea of what kind of 'busy' we're talking about here!"

He sighed. "Brooke…"

"No! Lucas, I've called you over a dozen times and you ignored me! Admit it, you were ignoring me!" She had gone from slightly livid to borderline shrill in 0.5 seconds, and if there was one thing that Lucas couldn't stand, it was shrillness.

"Brooke, just relax, okay?" He didn't want to raise his voice, but if he didn't assert himself he would never get a word in edgewise.

"Relax? What possible reason would I have to relax, Luke? This guy who's supposed to be my boyfriend chose to mope around home rather than come out and spend a weekend with me. And then, when I tried to call him to see if he was okay, he dodged my calls and made up some lame excuse about being too busy to get back to me!" Her voice was as hard as steel, though it also seemed like it was on the verge of cracking. "So I think it's a little late for me to just relax!"

"Brooke! Please just stop. I'm sorry, okay? I know I should've called you back. It wasn't fair to you and I know that, but I already told you that I needed some time to myself."

This did nothing to diffuse Brooke's anger. "That's all you ever say! For the past three weeks you've done nothing but crawl inside your shell! You never want to talk about anything meaningful and sometimes I feel like you forget I even exist! Why, Luke? Why won't you open up to me? And why can't you ever just let me all the way in?"

She was practically choking on her tears and Lucas's heart twisted. He had hurt the brunette girl once again without even realizing it. He felt a hint of his own tears though he didn't allow them to fall.

"I am so sorry, Brooke," he whispered. "I never wanted you to feel like this. I just…" He struggled with his words. "When you get back tomorrow, we need to have a serious talk."

"Why do I have the feeling it won't end with a romantic dinner and us snuggling up together?" She was calmer now, but her voice was still horse.

Lucas shut his eyes tightly. "I'll see you tomorrow, Brooke."

"Okay," she responded reluctantly. "And Luke? I love you."

Lucas knew he was expected to respond in kind, but all he could think about was Peyton. "Bye Brooke." He terminated the call. Truth was, he did love Brooke, but not like he loved Peyton. Still, Brooke would always mean a great deal to him and he hated to see her in pain, especially when he was the cause of it.

Tossing the phone back on the passenger seat, he reached back into the rear of the car and grabbed the basketball he always kept there. Getting out of the car, he walked onto the court. A steady breeze blew in across the river and ruffled the grass and Lucas's short blond hair. Positioning himself at the three-point line, he brought the ball up and shot. A metallic thud rang out as the ball bricked. Lucas didn't immediately run after the stray ball, but instead continued to stand at the three-point line, staring up at nothing in particular.

His thoughts were dominated by Peyton, but also by knowing what he would have to do tomorrow. He knew he and Brooke had no future, and that breaking things off was the right thing to do, but that didn't make it any easier.

Plus, as grateful as he was for the newfound clarity he had received about his feelings for Peyton, he realized that he was now burdened with a whole new set of problems. How did he know Peyton would feel the same? And even if she did, and he chose to pursue a relationship with her after he broke up with Brooke, doing so would just confirm each and every suspicion the brunette had about him and Peyton. Peyton and Brooke's friendship could very well be shattered once again, probably forever this time.

He wanted Peyton so badly and the idea that she might have feelings for him, that what he had seen in her eyes on that day in the school library had been love, that she had meant those three words she had uttered, thrilled him on every level. But it seemed less and less likely that he would ever get a chance to be with her.

Lucas Scott had never felt more lost in his entire life, and he dreaded what tomorrow would bring.

**~Chapter One End**


	2. Perspective

**A/N:** Well, here's chapter two. Sorry that it took so long, but I can't promise any degree of regularity with my updates, mostly because life tends to get in the way, y'know?

Anyway, I am extremely grateful for the positive reviews I've received so far. I appreciate everyone who takes the time read this and I promise I'll try and update as quickly as I can.

Thanks everyone. ;)

* * *

**Chapter Two: Perspective**

It was safe to say that the entire trip was a bust.

Rachel had invited them all out to her parents' cabin in hopes that they could just relax and forget about recent events for awhile. It was supposed to be a chance to escape the grief and tension that still lingered in the wake of the tragedy that had occurred at Tree Hill High weeks ago.

Unfortunately, nobody was really able to relax, partly because a key member of their group was missing, but mostly because of a certain brunette's irritability and obsessive need to check her voicemail and then complain, loudly, about not getting any call-backs.

Peyton sympathized with Brooke, but she was also annoyed by the girl's overbearing demeanor. Did she think she was going to get Lucas to respond to her by practically beating him over the head with her concern for him? Then again, Lucas wasn't her boyfriend, and it wasn't any of her business.

After her early-morning conversation with Brooke, Peyton had officially vowed to bury her feelings for Lucas. It was for the best, anyway. He probably didn't even feel the same way about her, and even if he did, it could never work. Their first attempt at being together had ended so badly she didn't think she'd ever want to try it again. Lucas had saved her on many different levels, but he had also broken her heart on practically every level and she couldn't risk having to feel that kind of pain again. She'd had her fill of pain for the past year.

So they would just have to be friends, and Peyton would have to ignore the things her heart was telling her.

'_Yeah, because that worked so well last time_,' a tiny voice from within her spoke.

Well, it HAD to work this time, for the sake of her friendship with Brooke and for the sake of her fragile heart. Besides, she was in love with Jake. At least, that's what she told herself. She hadn't thought of Jake in awhile. In fact, she hadn't thought about him much at all since the beginning of last summer, she'd been too preoccupied with Ellie and…Lucas.

But that didn't mean she didn't still love him, of course she did! It was just…well, it was just that her heart didn't seem to hammer in her chest like it once used to when she thought of Jake, and though she missed being around Jenny, Peyton had found herself not missing the girl's father as much as she used to. He had called shortly after the shooting, but at the time Peyton had been so worried about Lucas that she hadn't put much thought into the call. In fact, she really couldn't remember much of the conversation at all other than Jake telling her that he and Jenny were safe and secure in Savannah, Georgia.

Not good, not good at all. She seriously needed to get herself disentangled from these romantic notions of Lucas.

Stepping into the living room of the cabin she saw Nathan and Haley on the couch; the former's attention focused on the big screen TV where a basketball game was playing in high definition, while the latter was engrossed in a paperback. She looked up as Peyton entered.

"Hey girlie, you finally awake?" she said.

"How could I possibly sleep through Brooke's grousing? Where is she anyway?" Peyton hadn't seen the girl since she'd practically exploded out of bed around nine o'clock and proceeded to stomp throughout the cabin, muttering angrily to herself.

Nathan gestured toward the window with his thumb. "My guess is on the phone, tearing Lucas a new one."

"Either that, or the telemarketers got her cell number," Haley quipped. "Poor Brooke."

"Poor Lucas."

Haley smacked him with her book. "Why poor Lucas? Even if he wanted to stay home he could at least answer his phone."

"Hales, the guy should be able to have some time to himself without having to check in with his girlfriend every five seconds," Nathan countered.

Haley just glared at him, though it wasn't a serious glare. "Remind why I'm getting married to you again?"

"Because," began Nathan as he leaned over and kissed her. "I went to all the trouble of stealing your ring when you weren't looking so I could propose to you properly."

"Oh, right." Haley sighed romantically, and the two shared a more intense kiss.

Feeling like a third wheel, Peyton turned from the couple and walked over to the window. Peering through the glass, she saw Brooke wearing a track into the ground as she yelled and shouted into her cell phone, gesticulating fiercely with her free hand. Eventually, she stood still and her gesticulations ceased. After about a minute, she closed her phone, ending the call. The brunette stood staring out into the woods for another minute before turning around and starting toward the cabin. Peyton saw that her eyes were red and that there were tear-tracks marking her face.

'_What now_?' she wondered.

Peyton was slightly startled when Haley's hand landed on her shoulder. "Hey, is Brooke okay?"

Peyton shook her head. "I don't think so."

The front door opened and closed as Brooke entered. She didn't even glance at the three of them as she hurried toward the hall, probably heading toward her and Peyton's room or maybe to the bathroom.

Nathan sighed exasperatedly. "Aw man, this is going to be a bad one."

"Yeah, it's been like that a lot lately, hasn't it?" Haley said, worriedly.

Peyton shook her head. "I have to go see if she's okay."

Haley and Nathan nodded at her as she started off after the brunette. She found her in their room, sitting upright on the bottom bunk, her phone clutched tightly in her hands, which were resting in her lap. Her gaze was suspended on the floor and she didn't even acknowledge Peyton when she walked in.

Without speaking, Peyton sat down on the bed next to her best friend and placed a hand on the small of her back. She rubbed small circles and Brooke slowly leaned into her, resting her head on Peyton's shoulder. Peyton wrapped her arm completely around the broken girl, comforting her as best she could. Peyton suspected what this was about but she wanted Brooke to open up to her on her own, which ironically, was a luxury she hadn't afforded Lucas.

'_Stop it_,' she chided herself. '_You're here to support her, not judge her_.'

Brooke sniffled a few times and wiped at her eyes before she finally spoke. "I think Luke and I are over," she croaked, almost in a whisper.

Peyton felt like she'd been hit by a proverbial sledgehammer. She'd thought the two of them had just had another fight, probably about Lucas not coming on the trip or not wanting to talk to Brooke about the shooting, but she couldn't have imagined things had gotten this bad. Peyton was dismayed when she felt a thrill bubble up from within her at the thought of Lucas being single.

Closing her eyes tight, banishing thoughts of that nature, she focused on her best friend. She needed her. "Why? I mean, did he say he wanted to break up?"

"Not in so many words, but he said he needed to have a serious talk with me, and I just feel it in my gut that he's going to break up with me," she said. "I could hear it in his voice."

"You don't know that, Brooke. Maybe he finally wants to open up to you," Peyton said, trying to reassure her friend.

"No! No, he doesn't want to open up to me…..and he never will," Brooke whispered, as if she was realizing it for the first time. She stood up, still clutching her phone, now in her right hand. The brunette took a few steps forward then spun around. "He's never going to open up to me, Peyton. He'll never be able to let me all the way in."

Peyton stood up, facing Brooke. "Brooke, c'mon, Lucas loves you to death. You already have his heart, you just…"

But Brooke interrupted her. "No, I don't. At least not all of it. And I guess I'm just realizing now that I'll never have all of it."

"Okay, okay." Peyton put her hands on the brunette's shoulders and gently guided her back to the bed where the two girls sat down once again. She turned to face Brooke. "Tell me exactly what happened."

Brooke took a deep breath before she began. "When I got up this morning I was just really missing Luke, y'know? I wanted to hear his voice."

Peyton knew that feeling all too well, though she wasn't going to tell Brooke that. She gently nudged the brunette, urging her to continue.

"So I called him, but he wouldn't answer. I guess I just snapped and I kept calling but he kept ignoring the calls. When I started getting his voicemail, I left message after message just hoping I could annoy him enough to finally call me back."

Peyton just looked at her, eyebrow raised.

"I know, I know, hello psycho-girlfriend, but I just couldn't help myself. So anyway, I guess it eventually worked because he finally answered. When he did, I kind of went off on him. We argued—well, I argued—for awhile and then I sort of broke down and I asked him why he wouldn't let me all the way in. He apologized for the way he's been and I could tell he meant it, and then he said we needed to have a serious talk." Brooke stopped to take a breath. Peyton chose this moment to interject.

"That's it? Brooke, it sounds like he wants to make things better between the two of you." Peyton hated that the thought of Lucas reaffirming his relationship with Brooke sent pangs through her heart. Clearly, she was losing the war against her ever-growing feelings for the blond-haired boy.

Brooke looked directly at Peyton, her eyes still watery. "Before we hung up, I said I love you, but he didn't say it back."

"Oh," was all Peyton could say. '_Oh? Brilliant, you idiot. Way to make her feel better_.' But what could she say? That was a definite indicator that Lucas was ready to call it quits. Or maybe it wasn't, she had no way of knowing. She struggled to find the words to say to the fractured girl sitting beside her.

Suddenly, Peyton felt like the worst person in the world. Not just because she'd been annoyed at Brooke earlier when the girl had been in so much pain. But mainly because she had once again violated their friendship in the worst possible way. She had kissed Lucas behind her back and told him she loved him. Even if Peyton had literally been knocking at death's door at the time, there was no excuse. Even worse, she was hiding what happened from Brooke.

For a split second, Peyton contemplated just confessing everything to the brunette right then and there. She would probably get a slap in the face, and it would certainly put a swift end to her relationship with Lucas, what was left of it anyway. It would also destroy any chance of her and Brooke being friends ever again. As quickly as it had come, the split-second had gone.

Placing a hand on the brunette's shoulder, Peyton looked her straight in the eyes. "If it's meant to be, then you guys will work it out," she said. "But if it isn't…"

"If it isn't, then I guess I'll just have to deal, right?"

Peyton only nodded in response. It would do no good to hurt Brooke even more by telling her about the kiss in the library. She wondered if she ever would.

Brooke hugged her, and she returned it, ignoring the tinges of remorse that still lingered within her. After they separated, Brooke climbed up to the top bunk and lay down. "I think I just want to be alone for a little while. Do you mind, P. Sawyer?"

"Of course not, B. Davis," Peyton replied. "You need anything, you come and get me, okay?"

"I will, P. Thanks."

Peyton shut the door after she left, and she stood out in the hall for a little bit, her mind going a mile a minute. Everything was so messed up, she didn't know what to think. There had been a time when Peyton had thought she and Lucas were meant to be. He had been the first guy to break through her carefully constructed walls and truly see her for who she was. He had made her feel things she had never felt before, but he had also made her feel pain she had never felt before, too.

Could she ever trust her heart with him again? And was doing so worth her friendship with Brooke? The simple answer should've been 'no,' but it wasn't that simple. She leaned up against the wall and crossed her arms, just staring at the doorframe in front of her. Her mind and heart were in a game of tug-o-war and she felt like she was being ripped in half.

No, the answer had to be no, even if it was complicated. It just couldn't happen again. She would call Jake as soon as she got home and tell him how much she missed him and wanted to see him, and maybe she'd go down to Savannah for a visit with him and Jenny. Yeah, that's what she would do.

Peyton was strong, she could resist her feelings for Lucas. She wouldn't indulge them like she had before and destroy her and Brooke's friendship yet again. No, she wouldn't.

Everything would be fine. Sure.

* * *

Lucas shot around on the Rivercourt till about one in the afternoon. Despite the fact that he'd been on the blacktop for a few hours, he hadn't worked up much of a sweat. Partly because the temperature was in the high forties and the cool breeze coming in from the Atlantic prevented him from perspiring too much, but really because he hadn't been putting any real effort into his game.

He'd been busy trying to come up with the words he was going to say to Brooke tomorrow when she got back from the trip and so far he had yet to come up with anything that satisfied him. Chances were, there was nothing he could say that wouldn't end up breaking the brunette's heart and leave Lucas feeling like shit at the end of the day. Haley always used to say that he was good with words, but that really wasn't true. Just because Lucas read the works of Shakespeare or Steinbeck almost religiously didn't mean he always knew the right thing to say.

At about one-fifteen, Lucas decided to call it quits on the court. He wasn't really sweaty but his shirt underneath his hoody was clinging uncomfortably to his skin and he felt a little bit grimy, enough that it made him yearn for another shower. He didn't want to go home, though, so instead he decided that Nathan and Haley wouldn't mind if he used the shower at their place.

He drove over to their apartment complex and let himself in with his spare key. He left his hoody on the couch and went into the bathroom where he stripped off the rest of his clothes and showered for about ten minutes. When he was finished, he got dressed and retrieved his hoody from the sofa. He was about to leave, but before he exited, he took a minute and swept the apartment with his gaze. Lucas could see why Nathan and Haley had wanted to live here. It was cozy and homey. The walls seemed to radiate with the love and pain and triumph and tragedy the two shared. It felt lived-in.

There were elements of their personalities that mixed and melded and clashed everywhere. The kitchen area was neatly and meticulously up kept. The marble surface of the counter was pristine and the coffee cups and salt and pepper shakers were lined up perfectly. Obviously, that was Haley's domain. She was a neat-freak, after all.

Contrary to the kitchen area, the entertainment center was a mess. The wires connecting the controllers to the various game systems were as tangled as spaghetti, while the controllers themselves were unceremoniously sprawled out in front of the flat screen. Various game boxes were littered around as well as a few CDs which hadn't been placed back into their proper containers. Nathan clearly ruled that area.

One of the shelves that lined the wall behind the couch contained a curious mix of CDs; rap/hip hop on one side, rock/pop and alternative on the other. Evidently, the two had managed to compromise with their wildly different tastes in music.

Lucas could see himself having a place like this of his own one day. He could picture walls like the ones in this apartment lined with bookshelves that contained his collection of literature. But there would also be sketches and paintings hanging on those walls, and several shelves full of old vinyl records.

He hoped that maybe someday, his vision might become reality.

He made sure to lock the door when he left and then he walked back down to the parking lot to his car, feeling slightly refreshed from his shower. With dismay, he realized he still had half-a-day's worth of time to burn before he planned to head home, and nothing really to burn it with. So he just drove for another half-hour, seeing the sights of the small harbor town. He filled the tank up with gas, then he drove the Shelby into a local Oil Well service station and got the oil changed and the fluids checked. By the time he was finished with all of this, it was nearly three in the afternoon, and his mood had grown sufficiently more dismal.

The sun was lower now, as was Lucas's heart. He realized that the reason for his heavy heart was because he knew he would probably never be able to act on his feelings for Peyton, at least not for a long, long time, and by then it would most likely be too late. Even if he did break up with Brooke, there was no guarantee that Peyton would want to entrust her heart to him again after he'd already broken it once. Besides, it would be like stabbing Brooke in the heart with a pitchfork. The brunette already had so many insecurities about the two of them. And if Jake ever came back to town, Lucas would lose Peyton forever.

Lucas turned onto St. Arthur Street and parked the Shelby at the curb in front of a small deli, though he had no plans to purchase any meat. He'd been cooped up in his car for too long and he needed to stretch his legs, so he figured he'd walk for awhile. He strolled aimlessly, occasionally navigating through a few throngs of people every now and then, until, after a few blocks, he came upon Market Street.

It was really more of a promenade that overlooked the bay than a street. It attracted more tourists and out-of-towners than any other part of Tree Hill except maybe for the mall, and it always tended to be swamped with crowds of people during the afternoon, especially on weekends. It wasn't just the view of the Atlantic that attracted people, but also the large array of gift and novelty shops, eateries and refreshment stands, and bars that lined the promenade. Where there was now a Chinese restaurant there had once been a used book store that Lucas had practically lived at when he was younger. Unfortunately, the elderly owner had died of a stroke years ago, and his business had been sold.

Curiously, despite it being a Saturday afternoon, Market Street was almost deserted with only a few groups of teenaged gawkers and elderly wanderers loitering around the area. Technically, Lucas might fall into the former category, but, though he was a teenager, he really wasn't paying attention to the scenery that much.

Purchasing coffee at a nearby stand, Lucas sat down at one of the many round tables that peppered the walkway. Seagulls cawed and cried out past the shore as they circled and swooped down looking for garbage and refuse floating in the water. A steady breeze tickled Lucas slightly, giving him a whiff of salt from the ocean beyond. His mood continued to dampen and he felt like he'd swallowed solid lead. He stared at his coffee cup and the table and at nothing in particular, feeling like the gravity in the area had increased ten times and that he was being pulled and crushed into the earth.

In the milky brown liquid of his coffee, Lucas could almost see a collage of all the problems that were weighing him down. Keith's death, his mother's unraveling, Brooke, Peyton….

"You look like Atlas carrying the world on his back, Rakeboy." Larry Sawyer's voice shattered his trance and he looked up to meet the older man's eyes. He was carrying a coffee of his own and he immediately took a seat across from Lucas.

"That's kind of how I feel," Lucas replied, breaking eye contact.

"You know, after Anna died, I would just go out to the piers and stare at the ocean for hours and hours at a time. Everybody has to grieve their own way." Larry's voice was sympathetic and understanding. Oddly enough, Lucas didn't feel stifled like he did when the others always tried to talk to him about Keith. Maybe it was because Lucas knew Larry understood better than anyone, aside from Peyton, what it was like to lose someone close to you. He could still see lingering shards of grief and loss etched into the Sawyer patriarch's eyes.

"I just feel like…like I want things to go back to the way they used to be. Back when my mom and Keith were going to get married and Keith was going to officially be my dad. I just want normal again." Lucas was surprised at how easily he was opening up.

"Unfortunately, normal is gone forever, Lucas, at least the normal you've known. That's the hardest thing to accept about losing someone you love."

"I know. I just wish things were different."

"Well," Larry began. "You can't live your life lingering on what could've been. Believe me, that's not a path you want to go down." The older man's voice echoed with guilt and self-recrimination, and Lucas knew he was thinking of Peyton and the fact that he was off at sea so often that he barely ever saw her. Lucas knew how hard that was on Peyton, but he could also understand how hard it must be for Larry to be in the house where he had once shared a life with his late wife.

"I'm sorry," Lucas said.

Larry just waved his hand. "Nothing to be sorry about. How's your mom?" he asked, changing the subject.

Lucas just sighed. "Not good. She's just so angry. I still don't think she's really processed this yet."

"She's not angry at you, just the world," Larry said knowingly. "I've got to be honest, though. It'll probably be a long time before she'll go back to being the person you knew her as."

Lucas nodded. "I get that. I just wish there was more I could do for her," he whispered, his voice breaking a little.

"Trust me, just give her time and space and she'll come around."

"Thanks." And Lucas was grateful. Somehow, he felt lighter than he did before.

"You're welcome. Now stop worrying about everything or you'll end up with as many wrinkles as I've got," the older man joked.

Lucas was surprised when a laugh escaped him and the two chuckled a bit. For the next half hour, they made small talk. They discussed school, basketball, and literature and they laughingly reminisced about the time Lucas had thought Larry was a burglar and had charged into the Sawyer home with a rake, thus coining the nickname 'Rakeboy.'

"So why didn't you want to go on that trip up to Rachel's cabin?" Larry asked.

"Just wasn't up to it," Lucas replied.

"Uh huh," was all Larry said, but he continued to look at Lucas, as if expecting him to say more.

"Truth is I kind of just wanted to avoid Brooke." He wasn't sure why he was being so forward with Larry, but something about the fatherly aura he exuded appealed to Lucas.

"Really? I thought you two were pretty steady by now."

"Not really. Since the shooting, I've been kind of holed up in my shell, but the truth is, even before that I was kind of having doubts about whether or not she was the one for me."

"And is she?" Larry asked.

Lucas shook his head. "No. Just recently, I realized that she wasn't the girl for me and that I wasn't the guy for her. Tomorrow when she gets back, I'm going to break it off with her."

Larry took a long sip of his coffee. "That's always rough. But you can't control what your heart wants, and if it isn't Brooke then you have to let her go, for you and for her."

"I know," Lucas agreed. "I just don't know if I can find the right words to do it."

"Just speak from the heart," Larry offered. "You have a good head on your shoulders, Lucas. You'll know what to do."

"I hope your right," Lucas said faintly.

"I'm always right." The two shared yet another laugh.

After they settled down, Larry looked at Lucas seriously. "The question is, if Brooke isn't the girl for you, who is?"

For a moment, Lucas couldn't speak. He looked away from Larry, who seemed to have a knowing glint in his eyes and contemplated just telling the man that his daughter was the girl for him, always had been.

Larry spoke before he could. "Lucas, if there's one lesson you take away from what happened in that school it should be this." He leaned forward slightly. "Life is too short."

Lucas could only nod. Life was too goddamned short. What if Keith had gotten up the courage to tell his mother how he felt about her sooner? "I think I see where this is going."

"Then you're a smart kid. Now you just have to apply it."

Lucas could only sigh in frustration. "But what if it's not that simple?"

"Then you have to make it simple," Larry explained, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You have to work your way through it like you would any other problem life throws at you."

"I don't want to hurt anyone, though."

"Somebody's going to get hurt one way or the other." Larry sipped his coffee and gave Lucas a minute to contemplate everything he'd said.

Larry was right. No matter what he did, Brooke was going to get hurt.

"Use your head and follow your heart, Lucas. Fight for the girl that has it." Larry drained the last of his coffee, and then added: "Especially if that girl is worth it."

Larry spoke with such a certainty and a knowing timber that there was no doubt in Lucas's mind that he knew who the girl in question was. Lucas could only shake his head in amazement. Larry Sawyer was a pretty awesome guy. He was more perceptive and insightful than most people probably gave him credit for.

Lucas extended his hand toward Larry. "Thanks so much, Larry. I really needed this talk."

The older man shook his hand. "Sometimes you just need a little perspective. Besides, you risked your life going back into that school and you carried my little girl out to safety. A pep talk is the least I could do."

Larry stood up and tossed his empty container into a nearby waste basket. "I should really be going. I'll be in town for another week. If you need to talk again don't hesitate to call me."

"I won't," Lucas replied.

The older man started to walk away, but stopped and turned around. "Oh, and Lucas. When I'm gone, I'm counting on you to take care of Peyton."

"You know I will," Lucas said with conviction.

Larry nodded and then swiftly departed.

Lucas continued to sit, processing the conversation he'd just had. The most profound thing Larry had said to him was the part about him fighting for the girl that had his heart. Peyton. Lucas had never actually fought for her before. All the times in the past when he should've gone after her and made her believe that she mattered to him, he had instead chosen to retreat to safeguard his own heart.

He could've gone after her the night of the party at Nathan's apartment when she'd found out about him and Nikki, but he'd hid behind his shame. After he'd returned from Charleston, he could've talked to her, bared his heart and soul, and worked to gain her trust and friendship back, and eventually her love, but instead he'd kept his distance from her thinking it was what she wanted and also because he was afraid. When she'd fallen for Jake, Lucas turned to Brooke yet again.

No more. Larry was right; it'd do him no good to obsess over what might've been. He needed to focus on what might still be. He needed to fight for her.

Grabbing his cell, Lucas flipped it open and contemplated the number he was about to dial. It was risky, but he needed to talk to her or else he'd go crazy. He dialed the number and brought the phone to his ear. For a few agonizing seconds, he listened to the electronic tone until finally he heard a click.

"_Hello?"_

Her voice was like ambrosia to his ears and for a single instant, Lucas felt like he was floating on air. "Hey, it's me."

"_Luke?"_

"Yeah. Look, I know it's kind of weird, me calling you out of the blue like this…"

"_No! No! It's actually really good to hear your voice."_ His heart skipped a beat.

"It's good to hear your voice, too, Peyton," Lucas replied.

"_So….."_

"So….."

They both laughed at the awkward pause and Lucas could only marvel at how natural and comfortable it felt just chatting with her. _"So what have you been up to?"_ she asked.

"Nothing much, just sightseeing."

She chuckled. _"Really? See any good bands?"_

"Nah, not really. The town seems kind of dead today."

They basked in comfortable silence for a bit, and then the conversation got serious. _"Everybody's worried about you, Luke."_

He sighed. "I'm sorry for giving everybody grief, but I just needed some space, y'know?"

"_Oh, I know alright. And I don't blame you,"_ her voice radiated understanding and Lucas suddenly ached to be near her. He knew she would understand.

"Hey Peyt," he began. "If you could go back in time, would you do things differently?"

"_I think anyone would if they had the chance. Why do you ask?"_ Her voice was inquisitive.

"I just…I have a lot of regrets, Peyt. There are things I would've done differently, people I let down and wish for all the world I hadn't, and things I didn't say that I wanted to so badly." His voice became low, almost whispery. "I guess losing Keith just made me reflect on all the ways I could've been a better guy."

"_Luke, don't be ridiculous. Everybody screws up and makes the wrong decision sometimes. You're a great guy, Lucas Scott, and your uncle would be so proud of who you are."_ Lucas's heart was racing and he felt a rush of warmth and love for the girl on the other end of the phone line.

"That means a lot, Peyt."

"_Don't mention it. Besides, I get it, y'know? I always wonder; if I hadn't complained to my mom about her being late to pick me up from school then maybe she wouldn't have ran that red light the next day."_ Her voice was tortured with sadness and regret, and Lucas wished he could reach through the phone and take her into his arms.

"Peyt, that wasn't your fault. Your mom loved you so much, she would've done anything for you. She just made one mistake. You weren't to blame and she wouldn't want you to blame yourself."

"_Thanks Luke. I know I'm just being dumb. God, I'm supposed to be comforting you!"_

"You already have," Lucas whispered.

"_You can always talk to me, Luke." _

"Yeah, I'm lucky like that," he said. "I should go. I'll see you tomorrow, okay Blondie?"

Peyton laughed at the nickname. _"Okay Luke. Take care."_

"You too. Bye." Lucas ended the call and snapped the phone shut. He stood up and dumped the rest of his coffee into the trash and started back toward his car.

It had taken him everything in his power not to add 'I love you' at the end of his call to Peyton.

* * *

Peyton shut her phone and tossed it on the bed where she was sitting. She'd come back to the room after lunch and had found it deserted. Brooke had apparently gone elsewhere and Peyton had seized the opportunity for a little time to herself.

She didn't know why she hadn't asked Lucas about Brooke. It had just been so wonderful to hear his voice and so easy to fall into conversation with him that she hadn't thought of it. Peyton wished she had a bug zapper that would fry the butterflies that were flitting around in her stomach.

Frustrated, she reached over toward her messenger bag which was resting on the floor beside the bed and pulled out a couple pieces of blank paper and a plastic box that contained her drawing utensils. For the next two hours she sketched, letting her thoughts and feelings bleed out through the pencil and onto the snow white paper.

When she was finished there were two drawings. One was of her and Lucas in the library the day of the shooting. They were crouched behind the bookshelf, Peyton's injured ankle gushing blood, gazing into each other's eyes. At the top of the sketch, the words 'Tell me about a good day' were stenciled in bold black print.

The second drawing was much simpler than the first. It was of her kissing Lucas.

Peyton stared at her works for what felt like forever before she abruptly got up and tossed them into the trash can.

She was trying to push her feelings towards Lucas away but he just made it so damn hard.

Peyton had the feeling it was only going to get harder.

* * *

By eight o'clock, it was dark and Lucas finally returned home. After his phone call with Peyton, he had returned to the Rivercourt and pretty much hung out there for the rest of the day. He hadn't eaten anything since yesterday but he wasn't hungry.

Opening and closing the door as quietly as he could, he entered his now dark room and flipped on the lamp. About to change clothes, he was startled when he heard the front door slam open so hard that it practically rattled the foundation. That was soon followed by a loud crash that sounded as if someone had thrown a large box down with a considerable amount of force.

At first, Lucas thought that maybe someone had broken in, but when he heard an angry and feminine voice swearing he realized it was his mother. Apparently, she'd gone out. Lucas hadn't even noticed her Chevrolet missing from its usual spot. Another crash of something heavy and a bout of angry words seemed to indicate she was extremely agitated about something.

Lucas couldn't prevent the tremors of apprehension and anxiety that echoed within him and it made him feel like he was five years old again, when he'd done something really, really wrong and had to wait in anticipation of his mother's wrath.

Then, he heard furious footsteps. They were getting louder and they were heading straight for his room.

With a sinking stomach, Lucas knew he was in for it.

**~Chapter Two End**


	3. Pangs

**A/N: **Wow, how much do I suck? I am so sorry it took so long to get chapter 3 up, but I was just really busy with other things. I'm sure you've all probably forgotten about this story by now. Anyway, I'm sorry again about the delay.

This is the penultimate chapter, meaning the next one will be the last. It's a bit longer than the others, but a lot happens in this chapter. Also, I wrote the last couple of scenes on burnout, so I apologize in advance if they seem rushed or wooden. This fic is turning out to be longer than I'd anticipated and I'm sort of running out of steam, but I promise to do better with chapter 4.

Anyway, until next time. ;)

* * *

**Chapter Three: Pangs**

Karen Roe burst through the door of his room like a tornado out of hell.

Lucas would've given anything to be able to simply vanish into thin air right at that moment, but no such luck. He stood before his mother, who seemed to loom in the doorway despite the fact that she was several inches shorter than Lucas. Her normally glossy black hair was unruly and unkempt; her otherwise svelte frame was gaunt from barely having eaten for weeks; and her eyes which seemed to have been designed to radiate kindness and tenderness were now burning with the rage and grief of a thousand suns.

To Lucas, his mother was like a wraith that had risen from hallowed grounds to seek vengeance.

"Where the hell have you been all day?" she spoke. Her voice was low and menacing and it raised the hackles on the back of Lucas's neck.

"I was just out," Lucas replied shortly. As scared as he was, he was also fed up. He was tired of being the focus of his mother's grief and anger. He had far too many problems of his own to deal with, and as much as he wanted to help his mother he couldn't allow himself to be cowed by her any longer.

He was still scared shitless, though.

"You were just out?" she mimicked. "Doing what? Getting yourself into more trouble? You disappear for an entire day without calling, doing God knows what, and now you waltz through the door like it's no big deal." As she spoke, her voice rose steadily and she closed the distance between the two of them.

"I didn't call because I didn't want to disturb you, mom." He met her gaze as steadily as he could. "And to be honest, I stayed out all day because I didn't want to be around you."

His mother's hand connected with his cheek so quickly and fiercely that he barely had time to be shocked and hurt. The only other time she had ever struck him had been during Brooke's pregnancy scare the year before, and at least then, she had immediately felt guilty and apologized. Now, however, she expressed no remorse and her eyes continued to pierce him like steel knives.

"I work myself nearly to death for seventeen years to put a roof over your head and a warm plate of food on the table, sacrificing my dreams and giving up the things in life I wanted more than anything, and now you don't want to be around me?" Her voice was brittle and tinged with anguish. It broke Lucas's heart, but he had to press forward.

"Not when you're like this."

"Well how am I supposed to be, Lucas?" she exploded, shouting at the top of her lungs, so loud that Lucas wouldn't be surprised if some of the neighbors heard. "The love of my life, the man I was about to marry, the man who was about to become your father, was murdered, and I almost lost my only son! Excuse me for not being in a better mood!"

"I lost him too, mom! Okay? It hurts me just as much as it hurts you! Keith was finally going to be my dad, and you and him were finally going to get married, and now you're not, and it kills me! It kills me inside, mom!" His voice dissolved and he felt tears slip past the corners of his eyes. The pressure inside him was finally seeping out. "I almost lost Peyton, mom. She was there, beside me, and there was so much blood, and she was pale and getting weaker, and I didn't know what to do. All I could do was talk to her and reassure her, but I couldn't really because I didn't know if she was going to make it and all I could think about was the possibility of her dying and how my whole world would die along with her."

His mother stared at him, eyes wide and filled to the brim with tears. Painfully, Lucas pressed on.

"I was there in the school that day, mom. I'm sorry I scared you but I couldn't let Nathan go in there alone and when Brooke told me she'd lost Peyton and when I saw the blood on the ground…" Lucas paused to gather himself. "I just couldn't leave her there, and I'm sorry, but we both know Keith would've gone into that school no matter what. It was just who he was." He took a breath.

His mother was now sitting on the edge of his bed, her bewildered gaze focused on her lap.

"I feel so lost without him, mom, and I needed you more than ever after he died; I needed you and you pulled away! It can't be like this anymore, mom. Keith wouldn't want this." Drained and weary, Lucas sighed. He'd been wanting to get that off his chest for a while and it felt freeing to have finally had the opportunity to do it. He glanced over at his mother, who was still perched on his bed, seemingly in a trance.

He walked over and kneeled down in front of her. "Mom?" He placed a hand on hers. "Say something."

Her voice was small and broken, so unlike that of the strong and powerful woman Lucas had come to rely on all his life. "Keith would be so ashamed of me. You're absolutely right, I've been a monster."

He squeezed her hand. "No ma', you've been grieving."

She met his eyes, tear tracts scorching her cheeks. "I've been so hateful to you and to everyone else. I never stopped to notice that you were in as much pain as I was. I'm so sorry, Lucas, I'm a terrible mother." Her last word came out in the form of a sob, and Lucas immediately rushed to sit beside her on the bed, wrapping her in a tight embrace.

"Ma', don't say that," he whispered.

"But it's true, isn't it? I've said horrible things to you and I've hurt you so much. It's unforgivable."

Lucas just shook his head. "No, it's not. You just can't let your grief consume you, ma'. Keith would've wanted you to move on and be happy again. But you have to let go first. Just let it all out."

So she did. For the next fifteen minutes, Karen Roe sobbed steadily, her body vibrating with pulses of grief and sorrow. Lucas held her, acting as the rock she so desperately needed. When the last tear had fallen and her body had no more sorrow to release, her head rose up from Lucas's shoulder. "You're an amazing person, Lucas. Keith would be so proud of you."

Peyton had said the same thing on the phone earlier. The thought of the blonde immediately brought pleasant warmth to him, but he quickly pulled himself back to his distraught mother. "Maybe. But I should've been there for you more, ma'. I'm sorry."

His mother shook her head adamantly. "No. You have no reason to apologize. Like you said, I pushed you and everyone else away." She placed her hands on his shoulders. "Lucas, what I said that day…I didn't mean it, I swear," she whispered, referring to when she'd found out about his rescue of Dan from the dealership fire and had in a roundabout way blamed him for Keith's death.

"I know you didn't, but it's good to hear you say it."

His mother hugged him again. "I'm so sorry, baby boy. I promise that things will be different from now on."

Lucas felt a tremendous weight lift off his shoulders. "I know you'll still be mourning for a long time, mom, and you have every right to. But don't close yourself off. Let us in, so we can help you. You're one of the strongest people I know, but you shouldn't have to do this alone."

She began to tear up again as she said: "You really are the man Keith raised you to be."

"I got a lot of that from you too, ma'."

She let out a small and watery laugh. They adjourned to the kitchen and just sat at the table and talked while they sipped coffee. They reminisced about Keith and just basked in the memory of the man who would've been her husband and who was the closest thing to a father Lucas had ever had. Though she still wore a shroud of sadness, Lucas noticed a little bit of light return to his mother's eyes and he was grateful.

He sighed when he remembered what he had to face tomorrow. His mother picked up on it immediately. "What's on your mind, kid?"

"Not much. There's just some stuff I have to do tomorrow that I'm not looking forward to," he replied.

"Does this have anything to do with Brooke?" she asked.

He wasn't surprised that his mother could see through him so easily, even if she had spent the past three weeks submerged in her grief. "I'm going to break up with her tomorrow."

"I see. Things aren't working out between you two then?"

"No. They haven't been for awhile. I just didn't want to see it, so I shut her out instead. I can't string her along anymore, though. I have to end it."

His mother was silent for an instant. "Because you love Peyton."

He looked at her surprised. "What, is it posted on the internet or something?"

"No," his mother laughed. "I just know you. When you were talking about Peyton and being trapped in the library with her, I could see the love in your eyes."

"I do love her, mom. I just didn't want to admit it before now because I was afraid of hurting Brooke, but I realized that Brooke was going to end up getting hurt either way." He sighed. "I just don't know if Peyton feels the same way or if she'll even want to try again with me. Things ended so badly the first time."

"Lucas," his mother began, placing a hand over his. "Don't let fear get in the way of going after the things you want. You never know how much time you have before they're gone forever." At this, she began to tear up again.

"Mom…" Lucas began to rise, but his mother put up a hand and he sat back down.

"No, it's okay Lucas. I just…" She rose from the table. "I just need some good crying time by myself. But I'll see you in the morning, I promise."

"Okay," Lucas replied, reluctant to let her go off by herself.

"I love you, son."

"I love you too, mom." She smiled at him before heading off for her room.

Lucas leaned back in his chair, sipping from his now lukewarm coffee. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed just being able to talk with his mother. He was so glad things between them were good again and that she was on the road to recovery. As he thought about what she'd said, Lucas realized that he was afraid of telling Peyton how he felt about her. The last thing he wanted was to feel the pain he'd felt last year when she'd rejected him. It had been a truly soul-crushing and acidic pain that had left him awake for nights and so depressed that he'd had to leave Tree Hill for awhile.

Getting up from the table and washing out his mug, Lucas ventured into the living room to turn off the lights his mother had left on when he spotted the debris. Near the couch, a box that had been full of personal affects was lying on its side, the contents spilled on the floor. It had obviously been the source of the loud crash Lucas had heard before. Only a few feet away, another box, empty, was resting unceremoniously as if it had been whipped across the room in a fury. His mother's fury.

When Lucas also spotted the bookcase that had been knocked down he realized his mother had been angrier than usual when she'd stormed in a little while ago. Where had she gone, and what had made her so furious? Lucas could only wonder.

Not wanting to leave this mess for his mother, Lucas righted the book case and replaced the tomes that had scattered, and then went to attend to the box near the couch. It was Keith's stuff, and Lucas had to choke back emotion as he returned the contents to the box and sealed it. He carried it along with the discarded empty box to the storage room that the kitchen door exited into. Keith's things could stay there out of sight for awhile.

Lucas returned to the living room and extinguished the lights, shrouding the room in darkness. In the kitchen again, Lucas decided to fix himself a snack. He didn't think he'd be getting much sleep tonight and not just because of the caffeine in his system, but also because his stomach was chiding him for not having eaten anything all day. As he proceeded to make himself a sandwich, he glanced at the clock on the microwave. 11:23pm. Eight more hours until sunrise.

Lucas wished tomorrow would come now so he wouldn't have to endure the nervous anticipation of his impending break-up with Brooke and his confession to Peyton.

* * *

Tomorrow became today and the morning sun was high in the sky, soaking everything in white lucidity. As Peyton helped load everyone's things into Rachel's GMC Denali, she surreptitiously glanced over at her best friend sitting on the steps that led up to the cabin, seemingly lost in thought. The brunette had been solemn and quiet all last night and had been up and out of bed before Peyton had. She was worried about Brooke but she wanted to give the girl her space.

To her side, Rachel tossed another bag in with a thud. "Well, that was lame," the flamey red-head remarked. "I think I would've had more fun on this trip with the cast of Six Feet Under."

Peyton just rolled her eyes at the girl and said nothing.

"Then again," Rachel began, glancing over at Brooke. "If my boyfriend had ditched me for the weekend to go drown himself in self-pity, I might not be all for the festivities either."

Instant anger flooded Peyton's senses. "He's not drowning himself in self-pity!" she snapped, louder than she'd intended to. "He's grieving and he just needs time."

Rachel gave her a 'who're you kidding' type of look. "Oh please, Peyton, get real. He and Brooke have been foundering since the night of the party at the school. And you're right, Lucas is grieving. But you'll notice he doesn't seem too eager to lay his head on Brooke's shoulder."

"Look Rachel, if you're trying to start some sort of trouble, just don't, okay?" To be honest, Peyton had doubts Brooke and Lucas would survive as a couple for much longer, but she didn't want to see Rachel stir things up for Brooke when she was so vulnerable.

Rachel put her hands up in deference. "Hey, I'm just calling it like I see it. But I wonder," Rachel said as she moved in closer to Peyton, almost conspiratorially. "Would Lucas have problems laying his head on your shoulder if you were his girlfriend?"

Peyton reared back, thunderstruck. For all her faults, Rachel had a mind like a steel trap. Did she know about Peyton's feelings for Lucas? No, she couldn't.

"Don't be stupid," Peyton replied harshly. Rachel just smirked as she shut the trunk of the Denali and walked away, patting Mouth on the shoulder as she passed him. Still a little rattled by her words, Peyton's gaze followed the red-head's figure until she disappeared around the side of the SUV.

Mouth approached her. "What was that all about?" he asked.

"Nothing," Peyton replied as she shook her head. "Just Rachel being Rachel."

Mouth chuckled. "She means well."

Peyton could only nod. Rachel's words continued to haunt her, though. Would Lucas open up to her when he'd already shut pretty much everyone out? But wait, he had opened up to her. When he'd called her yesterday, they'd talked a little bit about Keith and the shooting. Peyton was pretty sure that had been the first time he'd really talked about things with anyone.

She suddenly felt a little dizzy with the realization that Lucas had specifically chosen her to confide in. She felt guilty for feeling that way since Brooke was suffering the consequences of that choice, but Peyton couldn't stop herself from being secretly overjoyed that he'd picked her to bear a little bit of his soul to.

Mouth's voice startled her back to attention. "How's Brooke been holding up?"

Peyton looked over at the brunette, who was still meditating on the cabin steps. "Not so good. She's convinced Lucas is going to break up with her."

"That's a shame," Mouth said regretfully. "After everything he went through to be with her, in the end, I guess it just wasn't enough."

It was like someone had doused her in ice water. Lucas had gone through a lot to be with Brooke. He'd fought for her and persevered when Brooke had made it so difficult for him. He even took her back after she'd slept with Chris Keller.

But he had never once fought for Peyton. Not after she'd rejected him at Dan's party, and not after everything with Brooke and Nikki had went down. Instead, he ran away with Keith to Charleston, and when he came back, he stayed away from her. He never fought for her.

Despair as heavy as titanium settled within her as she stared at her brooding best friend. She was envious. Not enough to neglect her duties as a best friend, though.

Leaving Mouth standing near the Denali, Peyton walked over to where Brooke was sitting and settled down on the step beside her. She placed a hand on Brooke's arm and gently stroked back and forth. "What's going on in that head of yours, B. Davis?" she inquired.

She was silent for a few seconds before she spoke up. "Oh, I was just mentally cataloging all the stuff I left in Lucas's room. Be easier to get in there and get out if I'm a little bit organized."

Peyton sighed. Brooke was positive she and Lucas were over, and Peyton couldn't really come up with anything compelling to convince her otherwise, but she realized she had to try. She had to put Brooke before herself, it's what best friends did and Peyton still felt some guilt at the core of her conscience for the pain she'd caused the brunette last year.

Besides, Lucas had made his choice, and it'd been Brooke, not her. He had fought for her, not Peyton. She had no business entertaining the possibility, slim as it was, of being with Lucas. Considering her words carefully, Peyton placed a hand on the brunette's shoulder. "Brooke, I don't think you should give up so easily, not when Lucas never gave up on you. He fought for you, now it's time you fight for him."

Brooke looked up at her, her eyes wide and inquisitive.

"Think about it Brooke," Peyton continued. "Non-exclusive dating; the fiasco at the Halloween party; the mix-up with the fantasy boy draft; sleeping with Chris; even after all of that, he still wanted to be with you. He loves you, Brooke, and you love him, and that's all that matters."

Brooke looked away, seemingly mulling over what Peyton had said. Oh and how hard it'd been to say those words. On the inside, she was crumbling. She wished more than anything that it'd been her that Lucas had picked, but there was nothing she could do about that now.

"C'mon B. Davis," she said, tugging on the brunette affectionately. "Go and fight for your man."

Brooke turned to meet her eyes again. What she said next caught Peyton off guard. "No."

"What?"

"No," Brooke said, with more conviction. "P. Sawyer, I love you for what you're trying to do but it's okay."

"I don't understand." Peyton was surprised and baffled.

"Just let me explain, okay?" Brooke pleaded.

Peyton nodded. "Okay."

"I spent all of last summer thinking about Lucas, wondering whether it was worth the risk of getting hurt to be with him again. Hell, I wrote over a dozen letters I never mailed. When I got back, I made him jump through all those hoops because I wanted to be sure he was really serious about how he felt about me. He was really graceful about it all, sure, but I never really got the feeling he was all in. He didn't seem…passionate about it."

"Well, he was pretty passionate when he caught you in bed with Keller," Peyton quipped, then immediately regretted it. "Sorry," she apologized.

"No, it's okay. That was a really trashy thing to do. And after I did it, I was so desperate to make things right with Lucas again I practically threw myself at him. And it was great to just let go like that. It was freeing and exciting and it felt so wonderful. At least for the first night."

What was left unsaid was the fact that Lucas had accompanied Peyton to go see Ellie the morning after he'd gotten together with Brooke. She'd felt bad about making Brooke insecure by asking him along with her but she knew she'd never have been able to make the trip without him.

"When he went out of town the next day, he never called me even once to check in, at least not until he was back in town, and it didn't even seem like he'd missed me."

"That's not true, Brooke…"

"But it is!" Brooke cut her off animatedly. "I tried to ignore it, but it always nagged at me deep down. And pretty soon, without even realizing it, I stopped missing him."

Peyton could only look at her, astounded at what she was hearing.

"I feel like…I feel like I've been holding on to this relationship for him, but also for the idea of what I wanted us to be. But that idea isn't reality. It never has been. So even if Luke doesn't want to break up, I'm going to break up with him."

Peyton shook her head. "Brooke, where's all this coming from?"

Brooke just shrugged. "I don't know. Yesterday, I was flipping out, but today I'm calm. I just had a lot of time to think about things. I don't want to be one of those girls who's in denial about a relationship that isn't working just because she's clinging to the ideal of some fairytale romance. I'm better than that."

Peyton was silent for a minute as she let her gaze travel upward toward the highest branches of the trees. She was completely blown away by this newfound maturity that had surfaced in her brunette friend. She placed a hand over the other girl's. "I know it's probably going to hurt for a long time, but something tells me you're going to be okay."

Brooke offered a weak smile. "Yeah. I think everything will work out. But you're right about the part where it's going to hurt. It already hurts."

Peyton put an arm around Brooke and pulled her close. The two girls sat in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. When they noticed Nathan approaching, they separated and stood.

"Hey," greeted Nathan as he walked up. "Everything's loaded into the cars and we're ready to roll. You two riding with Rachel, or me and Haley?"

Brooke snorted. "You really think I want to be stuck road-tripping it with silicon-Shiva, the queen of Botox?"

This earned a chuckle from both Peyton and Nathan. "Guess that means you're riding with us," Nathan ventured before turning and heading back toward his car.

Peyton was about to follow until she heard Brooke swear. "Crap! I think I left my phone in our room. I'll have to go back and get it."

"Okay, I'll wait here for you," said Peyton as the brunette dashed up the steps and into the cabin. As a breeze ruffled her short, clipped blonde hair, Peyton stared up at the cloudless sky. In only about a couple of hours, she would be back in Tree Hill and around Lucas again.

She liked to think the shivers she felt were because of the cool temperature.

* * *

When Lucas got up the next morning he was surprised to find his mother gone. In a note she'd left for him on the kitchen table, she explained that she needed to get out of the house for awhile and that she might go down to the Café.

He was proud of her for turning herself around and he was glad things were on their way to getting back to normal. All that aside, Lucas still had a daunting day ahead of him. Haley had called a half hour ago to tell him she and the others would be back in Tree Hill within the hour. Lucas planned to find Brooke as soon as possible and settle things with her. After that…

Peyton.

Anxious, Lucas ate a quick breakfast, and while he was eating, he received a text from Haley telling him they'd all arrived. Good. He was ready. Before doing anything else, however, he texted Peyton and told her he'd come see her later. He wanted her to know he was thinking about her. She didn't reply, but Lucas just assumed her phone was off.

Lucas set out at about 9:30am-

-and didn't locate Brooke until around 6:00 in the evening. Twilight had settled in comfortably, shading the sky in a gentle violet and orange hue, when Lucas finally found the brunette sitting on a small bench mounted in the grass that surrounded the Rivercourt. When he'd driven by Peyton's house this morning and noticed Brooke's car missing, he'd spent almost all day driving around looking for her. He'd gotten worried when he couldn't find her and no one else seemed to know where she'd gone, so he'd come to the Rivercourt to think and unwind, and there she was.

His shoes crunched the crisp grass as he approached her. She didn't even raise her head to acknowledge him.

"Hey, I've been looking all over for you," he said.

"I know. I just needed some time to myself to think about things." Her voice was apologetic, and she finally looked up and met his gaze. Her eyes were sad.

Lucas sat down on the bench beside her. "Look Brooke, I owe you an apology. I should've called you. I know I've been shutting you out, and I never meant to make you feel neglected."

"Lucas, I was there that day in the school and I loved Keith, but I get that I can't know what it's like for you. I've never lost anyone who was family, and I'm sorry for smothering you."

"Still, it doesn't justify the way I treated you," he said.

Brooke didn't say anything in response, and simply continued to stare out at the river. Lucas could practically feel the melancholy that radiated from her and he hated himself for what he was about to do, but he had to do it. "Brooke, listen, I don't think…"

"I don't think this relationship can go on, Luke," she cut him off, and Lucas wondered if he'd heard her right.

"Wait, what?"

"When we talked on the phone yesterday, I pretty much knew we were over. Even if you weren't going to break up with me, I was going to break up with you. I can't do this anymore, Luke. I can't pretend that we're going to work out when it's clear we aren't. Deep down inside, I've known that there was no future for us but I didn't want to have to face being alone. You were the first guy who ever made my heart skip a beat and you were the first guy who ever broke my heart, but you're not the guy for me and I'm not the girl for you." A few tears traced her cheeks as she spoke.

Lucas could only stare in amazement. He had expected a messy scene and plenty of anger and scorn; he certainly hadn't expected Brooke to be so strong, and it made him realize how little he really understood her. She was right; he wasn't the guy for her.

"I'm sorry, Brooke. I never wanted you to get hurt again," he said.

Brooke shook her head. "You're not the same guy you were last year. I know you didn't mean to hurt me. But to be honest Lucas, through all the pain and drama and heartbreak, I've learned so much about myself. I thought closing myself off from love and barricading my heart was the best way to go, but I was wrong. Getting your heart broken is just one of those sucky things in life you got to go through."

"Yeah, I think Peyton was a bad influence on you," he joked, referring to her hiding her heart.

Brooke stared directly into his eyes for a few seconds and Lucas realized mentioning Peyton was probably a stupid thing to do. This notion was further reinforced when Brooke abruptly stood up and began to pace back and forth. Then, she reached into the back pocket of her jeans and pulled out a thickly folded piece of paper. She unfolded it and handed the ruffled sheet to Lucas. There were actually two sheets of paper, one atop the other.

When Lucas saw what was on them, he almost had a heart attack. They were drawings, one of Lucas and Peyton in the library the day of the shooting with the caption 'Tell Me About A Good Day' emblazoned at the top, and the other a close up of him and Peyton kissing. His mouth dry and pulse drumming a staccato beat, he shot to his feet and looked into Brooke's eyes pleadingly. "Brooke, it's not what you think!"

"Yes it is," she replied calmly. "You never let go of Peyton and obviously, she never let go of you."

"Brooke…"

She held up a hand. "When I found these in the trash can of our room at the cabin, I was pretty much on the verge of a Britney-level meltdown. I wanted to slap her and I wanted to call you up and curse you out. I was hurt that neither of you told me about this, but I kind of get why you didn't. You two can't help the way you feel about each other, and me being pissed isn't going to change that. A kiss always means something, Lucas, and so do these drawings."

He was speechless. He could barely breath as he looked from the drawings to his now ex-girlfriend. "We weren't sneaking around behind your back, Brooke."

"I know you weren't," she assured him. "Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt me, but I get it. You and Peyton are inevitable. I always had a gut feeling there was still something between you two, which is probably why I was always so insecure about the two of you spending time together."

Lucas let out a long sigh. "It's my fault. I didn't listen to my heart and I never fought for her. And as a result, you got hurt."

Brooke slowly walked up to him and placed a hand on his cheek. "Well I'd start listening now. Go fight for the girl you love, Broody, she deserves it."

Lucas chuckled. "Brooke Davis, you're an amazing person."

"Damn straight," she replied, a hint of a smile gracing her lips. "Listen Luke, this is really hard for me, okay? Peyton is my best friend and I want what's best for her, but it's going to be awhile before we can all be friends. I'm going to need space."

Lucas nodded. "I understand. But don't pull away from Peyton. After everything she's been through, she needs you."

"She has you," said the brunette. With that, Brooke turned and slowly walked away.

As he watched her go, all Lucas could think about were the drawings. He looked down at them again and he felt his heart quicken. She had meant what she'd said in the library, she had to have.

He needed to see Peyton. Now.

* * *

The melancholy crooning of The Cure filled the red-walled bedroom as Peyton lay on her bed staring at the ceiling. The lyrics and tone flowing from her vintage record player were dark and bitter, but they mirrored her mood, and she was comforted slightly as the music seeped into her and eased her nerves. She was nervous because she was expecting Lucas to show up any second and she had no clue how she was going to act around him. This weekend out in the woods had changed everything for her and she despaired at the notion that the sturdy friendship she and Lucas had built up last summer may have been ruined.

And as much as she hated to admit it, she needed him. Peyton needed Lucas on every level and if she no longer had him as a shoulder to lean or someone to talk to, she didn't know what she'd do.

Aside from Lucas, she was also worried about Brooke. She'd been weird the whole way back to town, barely acknowledging Peyton or anyone else, and generally blowing off each of Peyton's attempts at conversation. She knew Brooke had a lot to deal with and that she was hurting about her situation with Lucas, but after they'd talked outside the cabin, she'd seemed to be handling things pretty well. And yet, after she'd come back from retrieving her misplaced cell phone it was like a switch had been flipped and the brunette had done a complete one-eighty. She'd seemed cold and distant on the ride back and the second Nathan and Haley had dropped them off at her house, she'd jumped into her car without a word and sped off. Peyton hadn't seen or heard from her since, and she was seriously concerned.

She wondered if she'd talked to Lucas yet, and if she had, were they broken up?

'_And what if they are?'_ her inner voice taunted. _'It's not like Lucas is just going to come and throw himself at you.'_

Even if he did, how was she supposed to deal with that? Even if her heart wanted him she couldn't risk a repeat of what happened last time. Not again. But God, how wonderful it would be to feel his lips on hers again, to look into his beautiful blue eyes and tell him she loved him and hear him say it back and mean it, to make love to him…

"Damnit!" she shouted as she pummeled the bedspread with her fists. She needed to stop this.

It was then that she heard the approaching engine as it got louder until it finally idled and then cut out. The sound of a car door slamming followed and Peyton instinctively knew it was him. She rose up from the bed and started pacing around her room, excitement and apprehension jockeying for position within her.

Somehow she sensed that after this night, everything would be different.

* * *

Lucas cut the Shelby's engine and got out of the vehicle, shutting the door behind him. He looked up at the two-story red-brick house that was the Sawyer home. He loved this house and he'd been inside it so much he practically knew it as well as his own.

As he trotted up to the white awning that overlooked the porch, he was relieved that Larry's car wasn't there. Lucas needed to be alone with Peyton and as much as he liked Larry, he didn't want any interruptions.

Her door was unlocked, as it always was, and Lucas slowly made his way up the stairs, the wood creaking beneath his feet. He could hear the faint sounds of music wafting out of her room and he couldn't help but smile. As he reached the head of the stairs he realized it was The Cure that was playing. He hated The Cure but he'd never told her that for fear of getting his teeth knocked in. The girl was protective of her music.

He took a few steps down the corridor that led to her room and stopped a few inches from her doorway. His heart was pounding out a symphony and his mouth was sandpaper-dry. This was it. He didn't expect him and Peyton to get together and run into the sunset happily ever after. It could never be that easy. But this was the moment he was going to tell her how he felt about her. Whether she wanted him or not, Lucas just wanted her to know that he was in love with her.

Knowing that Peyton had probably heard him ascend the stairs and not wanting to creep her out, he continued forward and reached her doorway. She was standing with her back to him when he walked in and she turned to face him.

Lucas temporarily lost his breath. Maybe it was the lighting; maybe it was just the circumstances; but this was the first time he'd been face-to-face with Peyton since his revelation yesterday and he couldn't understand how all this time he could've forgotten to appreciate how utterly, unbelievably gorgeous she was.

Standing with her bare arms crossed over her perfect chest, wearing a gray tank top and washed out jeans that hugged her perfectly-proportioned hips and long legs, she was the epitome of perfection, at least to Lucas. He was viewing her with a brand new clarity and as he gazed into her emerald eyes and truly looked at her for the first time, Lucas realized that Peyton Sawyer was his dream girl and that there could be no other. He wondered how he'd lived in denial for so long. He wanted to run his hands through her short, shoulder-length blonde hair and he wanted to kiss her creamy golden skin and he wanted to kiss her until she was breathless and make love to her over and over again until he passed out.

He must've been staring dumbly at her for she gave him a peculiar look. "Lucas, are you okay?"

"Huh?" he uttered stupidly. Suddenly realizing he was making an idiot of himself, he tried to formulate a more cogent reply. "I..uh..umm…"

God, how stupid was he? He hadn't even been this tongue-tied the first time he'd talked to her. Peyton's look of puzzlement turned to concern. "Lucas?"

"I'm fine!" he said a little too enthusiastically. "I mean…it's nothing. How are you doing?"

Peyton looked at him for a bit before she spoke. "I was fine until you started spazzing out. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry, it's just been a long day," he said, rubbing the back of his neck self-consciously.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Is everything okay with you and Brooke?" she asked.

"No, actually, we broke up."

Peyton's eyes shined with sympathy. "Oh Luke, I'm so sorry."

"No, it's okay. We both decided it was for the best. I realized that we weren't meant to be and she realized it, too," he explained.

Peyton sat down on the edge of her bed. "Oh," was all she said.

"Yeah," he added quietly. "Anyway, did you get my text I sent earlier?"

She nodded. "Yeah, sorry I didn't text you back, I was just kind of distracted."

"It's okay. But there is something I need to tell you, Peyton."

She turned her gaze to meet his, sensing the seriousness in his tone. "Okay. What is it?"

Lucas gulped. The moment of truth had arrived. He wasn't going to make a big and fancy speech; Peyton wasn't the type of girl who went for those. He just needed to say what he was feeling. So he did. "I love you, Peyton."

He watched as her eyes widened in shock. No turning back now. "I'm in love with you. I have been for awhile now but I just didn't want to admit it because I didn't want to hurt Brooke or risk getting my heart broken again." Lucas walked over to her and kneeled down, taking her hand in his, relishing the feel of her warm, soft skin on his. Peyton was completely slack, still gaping at him, shell-shocked. "I still want everything with you, Peyton and I promise I will never stray again." His gaze never wavered from hers, and she continued to stare at him after he finished speaking.

The tension in the air was so thick it could've been visible. Lucas felt like a member of the bomb squad about to disarm a complicated high-yield explosive as he awaited Peyton's response. The girl in question seemed catatonic, but Lucas could swear he saw a maelstrom of emotions flashing through her now moist eyes: joy, hope, and love, but also confusion, pain, and wariness.

Her lips moved and Lucas tensed as she was about to speak, but before she could, they were both startled by the sound of the front door opening and closing. They both rose to their feet as the stairs creaked with the presence of whoever had just entered the house. It had to be Brooke, or maybe it was Larry, but whoever it was had completely ruined the moment and Lucas was frustrated beyond all belief.

He turned and met Peyton's eyes which were still stricken by raw emotion. A current of feelings passed between them like electricity in a high-tension wire. Footsteps sounded in the corridor outside and they turned their attention back to the doorway.

The person that appeared was not Brooke or Larry. Peyton gasped and Lucas felt all the life drain from him as the interloper presented himself.

"Jake," she whispered.

**~Chapter Three End**


	4. Resolve

**A/N:** Okay, I know I said in my last author's note that chapter four would be the last chapter, but I found I still had a lot of story left to write, and I didn't want to cram it all into one chapter. So chapter five will officially be the last chapter. Can you believe this was originally supposed to be a one-shot? Funny how things can just spiral out of control.

Anyway, here's the latest chapter. Oh, and I really appreciate all the reviews. Keep 'em coming.;)

* * *

**Chapter Four: Resolve**

Peyton felt her head spinning. Her eyes bounced back and forth between Lucas and Jake, and for a minute nobody said a thing. And then Jake spoke.

"Peyton, God, it's so good to see you." He rushed forward and engulfed her in an embrace. Peyton responded instinctively but her gaze never left Lucas. The look on his face made her want to cry. He looked like someone who had just lost all hope, his crystal orbs plagued with heartache, his jaw tight as if barely containing his hurt. Slowly, painfully, he turned and slinked out of her room.

Peyton wanted to call out to him to come back, she wanted to break free of Jake's grip and go after him, but she couldn't find the strength and instead continued to be held by the boy that had left months ago and had now suddenly showed up again. Being in Jake's arms should've been like paradise to Peyton, but instead she felt conflicted. All she could think about were the words that had come from the blond-haired boy that had just departed.

'_I love you, Peyton. I'm in love with you.'_

As if sensing her discomfort, Jake pulled away and looked at her. "Are you okay, Peyton?" he asked, looking back at the spot Lucas no longer occupied. "Did I interrupt something?"

What a question to ask. But Peyton wasn't about to tell him what he'd walked in on. "No, it's just…Jake, how are you here?"

"I'm back, Peyton. I'm moving back to Tree Hill," he replied.

Peyton couldn't believe it. She'd dreamed of this moment all last summer and now that it had finally arrived, she wasn't ecstatic or giddy with happiness like she'd expected to be. Instead, she was haunted by blond hair and blue eyes and a heart that was pointing her in another direction. Nevertheless, she was still glad to see Jake.

"But, what about Jenny and Nikki?" she asked.

Jake smiled brightly. "Jenny's here with me. My parents are looking after her right now. I would've brought her but I just had to see you alone." He cupped her cheek with his hand. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you, too," she said as she placed her hand over Jake's, which was still on her cheek. And she had missed him, but she still felt a longing within her that she knew had nothing to do with Jake. However, she still wanted to know that he and Jenny were safe.

"What if Nikki finds you again, though?"

Jake shook his head. "We won't have to worry about Nikki ever again."

Peyton just looked at him questioningly. "What?"

Jake took her hand and guided them toward her bed where they sat down and he began to tell her what had been happening in his life. After he'd left Peyton at Tric last May, he'd tracked Nikki down to where her parents lived in Savannah, Georgia. He sued Nikki for custody of their daughter, but the judge there forced them to share joint-custody of Jenny while he and Nikki were evaluated to determine whether either or both of them were truly fit to be parents. For the first few months, things actually worked out pretty well and it even seemed like Nikki was reforming her reckless and vindictive ways. Then, she was pulled over and arrested for DUI while Jenny was in the car with her. The courts awarded Jake full custody of his daughter after that. Nikki then surprised him when she abruptly gave up. She willingly signed over all her parental rights and basically freed herself from the responsibility of a daughter. The last Jake had heard of her, she was heading off to Vegas. He now had Jenny all to himself without the threat of her being taken away.

"Jake, that's awesome!" She was genuinely happy that Jake had Jenny and that she was safe from Nikki for good.

"Yeah, and the best part is, I found a job with a local landscaping company here in Tree Hill. Once I save up enough money, I'll be able to afford my own place," he explained excitedly. He then took her hand and kissed it. "Plus, I'll get to be with you. I know I lost you for awhile, Peyton, but I finally found you again."

Peyton smiled and hoped it didn't look too phony. Jake had found her again and that should've meant everything but somehow it didn't. "So, when can I see Jenny?"

For a second, Peyton could read the dismay in Jake's eyes. Obviously, he'd wanted to talk about them. But then he smiled and got up from the bed, gesturing for her to follow. "C'mon, we'll go see her now."

Peyton nodded gratefully and followed Jake out the door. As they made small talk, Peyton's thoughts wandered back to Lucas. She knew he must be in so much pain right now and a large part of her wanted to go and find him immediately, but she knew that part of her was irrational. Jake and Jenny were back, and she had to focus on that.

But she was finding it increasingly difficult to ignore the needling voice that was telling her she should be focusing on the boy who had had her heart long before she'd ever known Jake.

* * *

Life was frequently unfair. Just when you think you're about to get the one thing you want more than anything, something always comes along to hide it from your grasp. Keith had been about to marry the woman of his dreams and officially adopt the boy whom he had always considered a son until a single gunshot from a disgruntled student put an end to his dreams.

Lucas had finally figured out who it was he loved more than anything and had gotten up the courage to confess his feeling to her, only to have her ex-boyfriend show up at exactly the wrong time. It made Lucas physically sick to imagine what the two of them were up to right at this minute, and as he sat Indian-style on his bed, hunched over, hands folded in front of him, he had to seriously wonder if God had a personal vendetta against him.

Much as he tried, he couldn't hate Jake. He was too nice a guy and they had been friends. But why did he have to pop up _**right at that moment? **_It was probably arrogant to assume that the divine creator would choose one measly kid out of six billion people residing on a planet at the ass-end of the cosmos to use as His personal punching bag, but with everything that had been happening lately, he couldn't help but wonder if the deck of fate was stacked against him.

Tomorrow, he was going to have to get Peyton alone and convince her he loved her. When she'd shot him down at Dan's party, Lucas had stopped trying with her and had turned to Brooke instead. A mistake he regretted more than anything and one he had no intention of repeating. She was it for him. It may have been impulsive, seeing as how he was only eighteen, but Lucas knew without a doubt that Peyton Sawyer was the only girl in the world for him and that the two of them had the potential to be forever. He couldn't lose her to Jake, not now.

The outside door to his room opened and his best friend stepped in, looking annoyed. "Okay, I know we were only gone for a couple of days, but would it have killed you to stop by the apartment to say "hi" or at least ask how the trip was?" Haley James Scott reprimanded, fixing Lucas with her finest glower.

"Hi, how was the trip?" Lucas asked facetiously.

Haley just cocked her head. "Right, okay, doesn't really count now, but thanks anyway." She plopped down on the bed near him, playfully smacking his shin.

Lucas half-smiled at his oldest friend's demeanor. You could always count on Haley to lift your spirits up when you were down. She was right, though, and Lucas felt guilty for not having come seen her earlier. "Sorry Hales, I should've checked in with you. I just had some stuff to do. But I want to hear all about the trip."

Haley forgave him with a smile and then launched into all the details of what had obviously been a rather dreary weekend. The only good thing that had come out of it was Nathan's re-proposal and promise of a traditional ceremony to celebrate the renewal of their vows. Lucas hugged Haley when he heard this, congratulating her. She told him that Nathan needed to talk to him about something and Lucas promised to catch up with him tomorrow.

"So what's up with you?" she inquired, concerned. "It's not like you to flake out like that, and you looked pretty bummed when I came in."

Lucas turned away and looked down at his hands. Should he tell her? Why not, his mom, Larry, Brooke and now Peyton knew, and he could never keep stuff from Haley.

"Jake's back," he said thickly.

"Wow, really? That's wonderful for Peyton, then," she said. "I don't get it, why would that bum you out?"

Lucas turned to look at her, silent. Her eyes widened in comprehension when she saw the look on his face and she put a hand to her mouth. "You still have feelings for Peyton, don't you?" she whispered.

"I love her," he replied simply.

He watched as Haley's eyes practically bulged out of their sockets, and then abruptly she launched herself from the bed and began to pace. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! When did this happen, and what about Brooke?"

"Brooke and I broke up today. It was a mutual thing. She knew all along how I felt about Peyton and she actually gave me her blessing."

She gave him an incredulous look. "You're kidding."

Lucas shook his head.

"Wow," was all Haley could say. "When did all this start?"

Lucas told her about what happened in the library the day of the shooting and how he'd come to a sort of epiphany yesterday at the place he'd towed Peyton's car. "And right after I finished telling Peyton how I felt, Jake showed up."

Haley regaled him with a sympathetic look and slowly moved to sit beside him, consoling him with a hand on his shoulder. "Do you think they'll get back together?"

Lucas shrugged. "I don't know, I didn't stick around to find out."

"What are you going to do now?" Haley asked softly.

Lucas sat in contemplation for a few seconds before he answered. "I'm going to make her see that we're meant to be."

The line of Haley's mouth crinkled into a frown. "Lucas," she began delicately. "I love you and I want to see you happy, but if Peyton loves Jake, then it wouldn't be right to get in the way of that."

"She loves me too, Hales, I know she does. I'm not going to sabotage her relationship with Jake, but I'm not going to give up on her and me being together, either. I'm going to prove to her that I'm the one for her."

They stayed like that for an instant, gazes locked and not saying anything. Then Haley rose from the bed and walked toward the door, but not before turning around to face him. "I hope everything works out for you Luke, but please promise me you'll guard your heart. It would break my heart to see you burned like you were last time."

Lucas smiled gratefully at his childhood friend. "Will do."

Haley smiled back. "See you tomorrow," she said as he opened the door and exited.

Lucas's gaze lingered on the door for awhile as he sat deep in thought. Tomorrow couldn't come soon enough. He needed to see Peyton, talk to her, convince her he was for real. It wasn't going to be easy, but Lucas hadn't expected it to be.

He also didn't want to face the possibility that this was a battle he might lose.

* * *

Morning came, and the sky was purple and pink as it birthed a new day. Peyton had slept over at Jake's parents' house after spending most of the night with father and daughter. It had been great to be around Jenny again, and along with Jake, it gave Peyton the sense of family she'd been missing dearly since Ellie's death. Her father would be going back out to sea in a week and she desperately wanted to cling to that feeling now more than ever.

She also decided that she would be with Jake. It may not have been the bravest choice but it certainly was the safest. She and Lucas simply wouldn't work out and she would have to explain that to him tomorrow when she saw him. She didn't want to hurt him, but she would have to for both their sakes.

However, she was terrified of losing him as a friend. She wouldn't have survived the last few months without him and she just couldn't picture her life without Lucas in it. Peyton wished things could be simpler. Somewhere, on some level, Peyton knew that her attachment to the blue-eyed boy that had changed her life was more than just an attachment to a friend; she knew her need for him was something much more complex than she could know, and she realized that she was in denial about everything, but she wasn't ready to face that yet.

What she did know, was that she didn't want to get lost on the path of heartbreak and angst that she and Lucas had traveled last year. Peyton just wanted to lose herself in Jake and the normalcy he could provide, her heart's true desires be damned.

As she started up the walkway to her house, she noticed Brooke's Volkswagen parked out front, and was immediately relieved that her friend had finally come home. Her father's car was gone which obviously meant that the date he'd gone on last night had turned into an all-nighter.

Quickly rescuing her mind from that creepy trail of thoughts, Peyton entered her house and made her way up to her room. When she got there, Brooke was packing her stuff into a pair of duffel bags.

"Brooke?" Peyton spoke, apparently startling the other girl as she whirled around, a hand on her heart.

"Oh, Peyton, you surprised me. I figured you'd already left for school." Something in the brunette's voice unsettled Peyton.

She glanced at the bags near Brooke's feet. "What are you doing?" she asked, dreading the answer.

Brooke hesitated before replying. "I can't stay here anymore, Peyton."

"Why not?" asked Peyton, alarmed.

"Lucas and I broke up yesterday," she said, dodging Peyton's question.

Peyton wasn't surprised, but she still didn't get what that had to do with her moving out all the sudden. Brooke's entire demeanor was unnerving her. "I'm sorry Brooke, but it's not like you didn't expect it. You even said you were going to break it off with him if he didn't first."

Brooke ceased her motions abruptly and looked at Peyton intently. "When I went back into the cabin to get my phone, I found something in the trashcan in our room."

Peyton's heart thundered as she immediately realized what Brooke was talking about. Those stupid, goddamned drawings. She should've ripped them up into tiny little pieces. How could she be so stupid? As Brooke went back to packing, Peyton realized she was losing her best friend yet again. This couldn't be happening.

Peyton rushed over to the brunette and gently ceased her arms, turning her to face her. "Brooke, just stop, okay? Let's talk about this."

"There's not much to talk about. You love Lucas, and he loves you. I've been blind this whole time, but now I see things clearly."

Peyton shook her head adamantly. "No Brooke! Those were drawings were just…" She stopped, knowing any explanation she could come up with wouldn't have a ring of truth to it.

Brooke knew this as well. "I know what they were, Peyton. Lying to me is bad enough, but don't lie to yourself."

All Peyton could do was watch helplessly as Brooke crammed the last of her clothes and accessories into her bags. Her room was now deprived of all evidence of her brunette friend. She felt like crying.

"Brooke," she whispered brokenly. "Don't go."

She saw the brunette's eyes melt with unshed tears. "I have to," she whispered back.

Brooke started for the door, but Peyton blocked her way. "Please Brooke, I'm sorry. I don't want to lose you as a friend, not again."

"You're not losing me P. Sawyer, we're still friends," she assured her.

Relief flooded Peyton's senses and made her weak in the knees. The use of her nickname and Brooke saying they were still friends meant things were different this time around. Thank God. "Okay, 'cause I never want to not be friends with you again, B. Davis."

That got a ghost of a smile from the brunette. "Yeah, me neither. But I'm going to need some time, alright?"

Peyton nodded. "It's okay, Brooke. Take all the time you need."

Brooked smiled fully this time and then made her way around Peyton, carrying her bags. "Bye P. Sawyer."

"Brooke, wait." The brunette halted at her words. "I'm not going to go after Lucas or anything, so you don't have to worry about seeing us around."

Brooke just gave her a funny look. "Why not?"

Peyton furrowed her brow at the brunette's question. "Well…because you're my best friend and Jake's back."

"Jake's back?" Brooke exploded. "Since when?"

"Since last night."

Brooke dropped her belongings and just stared at Peyton pityingly. "Oh sweetie, you are making it so hard for me to leave now when it's clear you need me more than ever."

"What are you talking about?" Peyton asked, baffled. Was Brooke actually suggesting she get together with Lucas?

"I'm talking about you and Lucas and true love always and you two being meant to be. I know you love Jake, but if those sketches are any indication, he's not the only guy in your heart."

Peyton just gaped at her friend incredulously. How messed up was this? "Brooke, I don't get it, are you actually telling me to get with Lucas, your ex-boyfriend?"

"I'm telling you to follow your heart, P."

"And I am. I'm following it to Jake. Maybe I have some residual feelings for Lucas, and yes, I did kiss him and tell him I loved him when I got shot, but I thought I was going to die. It was a terrifying experience, and he just happened to be there." Peyton wished she could believe her own words.

Brooke wasn't buying it. She snorted. "Oh Peyton, you need to stop sipping from that bottle of denial. Lucas didn't just happen to be there, he went back into that school for you. And seriously, that whole time you were with Lucas in the library, did you even think about Jake once?"

Peyton reared back slightly, shocked. The truth of Brooke's words hit her in the face like blinding rays of sunlight. No, the answer was no. When she'd been lying there on the carpet, bleeding, dying, Jake had been nowhere near her thoughts. They had been monopolized by Lucas, the feeling of him near her, his worried gaze and his gentle words of comfort. That hour in the library very well could've been her last hour on earth, and the one thing she couldn't have bared was leaving this world without Lucas knowing how she felt about him.

'_I love you Peyton. I'm in love with you.' _His words from last night forced their way back into her head. Unreasonably, stubbornly, she pushed those words and everything that was Lucas back into the deepest corners of her heart. They were just words, after all, and she had no way of knowing whether he'd really meant them.

"I love Jake. I want to be with Jake," she said, though there was no conviction in her statement.

There was pity in Brooke's chocolate brown eyes. "If that's what you want." She grabbed her bags and turned to leave, but then she stopped and turned toward Peyton slightly. "But take it from someone who knows. It's no fun being with someone whose heart is already taken."

Then she was gone, and Peyton was left alone.

She felt confused, unbalanced and completely lost. She hadn't felt this maligned since her mother's death, where she'd practically been on an out-of-control freight train to Hell, but now it seemed like Peyton was coming apart at the seams.

The kicker was that the answer to all her turmoil was staring her right in the face, doing everything but smashing her upside the head to get her attention. She wouldn't acknowledge it, though. Maybe it made her a coward, but Peyton refused to let Lucas dominate her heart.

Morning light was bleeding through the blinds and staining her room. She needed to be at school within an hour but she didn't want to go. She wanted more than anything to barricade herself in her room for the day and listen to her favorite albums and do nothing but sketch, and not have to think about Jake or Lucas or anything.

But she had to face him. And she had to be the girlfriend of Jake Jagielski.

Solemnly, Peyton grabbed her things and left the sanctuary of her room for the uncertainty that was her life.

* * *

Lucas had gotten to school an hour earlier than he usually did. He'd been too nerve-wracked to sleep and decided to bide his time here rather than cooped up in his room. It was still an hour and a half before homeroom bell, and the quad was beginning to fill up with students carrying the post-weekend blues like hangovers.

It was overcast, the sky a bruised and metal gray, and Lucas hoped it wasn't an omen. He wanted to get Peyton alone to talk with her, but he wanted to do it as soon as possible so they'd have plenty of time before classes began. Unfortunately, if he knew her, she'd delay her arrival as much as possible.

He was surprised, then, when he saw her vintage Comet pull into the student parking lot. After a few minutes, he watched as she made her way up the primary walkway to the building, and he quickly rose from the bench he'd been sitting on and approached her.

Wearing black jeans and a white and black-sleeved band-T, her short and slightly poofy blonde hair fluttering in the breeze, Lucas was taken aback by how stunning she was much in the way he had been in her room the night before. He remembered when she'd decided to do away with her curls last summer because she'd wanted to distance herself from Ellie. He'd been crushed at first, but after seeing her new short-blonde hairstyle, he realized it fit her perfectly. Hell, any hairstyle would fit her perfectly, she was just that damned fantastic.

She saw him coming her way and immediately halted, her posture slightly tense. "Lucas…" she began.

"Can we talk?" he interrupted.

She stood still for a second, before she nodded. "Yeah, we should, but not here, somewhere else."

With the halls crowded with students rushing to and from their lockers and loitering around chattering, they weaved their way through the throngs of people. The library was out of the question for obvious reasons, and a storeroom just seemed inappropriate for the sort of conversation they needed to have, so they decided on the rooftop. Almost no one ever went up there and there was plenty of open space. They could've tried the gym, but they didn't want to risk any interruptions.

The heavy metal fire door swung closed behind Lucas as he followed Peyton onto the roof. Just being in her presence had an almost narcotic effect on him. His pulse was running a marathon and his stomach was popping and crackling with euphoric energy. He was also completely terrified of what was about to happen, but he was excited as well and ready to bare his heart to her fully. He'd been ready since he first laid eyes on her.

Peyton turned around to face him and the two just stared at one another for about a minute. Peyton was the first to speak. "Luke, about last night…"

"I meant it, Peyton."

"What?" she said, her eyes a little wider.

"I meant every word. I am completely in love with you and I'm sorry it took so long to get myself straight, but I'm completely honest when I say that I want you, because I do." He looked deeply into her eyes and felt a thrill of triumph when he saw her cheeks redden.

"Okay, you need to stop staying that," she said breathlessly, turning away from him slightly.

"Why? It's the truth."

Her head whipped back toward him, fire searing in her green orbs. "Truth? You want to know the truth, Lucas?" She was shouting now, and Lucas knew they were already off to a bad start.

"Peyton, I…"

"No! You've said your piece, now I'm talking!"

He nodded, swallowing dryly.

"Who the hell do you think you are, showing up at my house so abruptly and telling me you love me? What the hell was going through that third-rate brain of yours when you decided to screw up the friendship we worked so hard to build all last summer, the friendship that got me through so many hard times these past few months? The truth is Lucas, you gave up on the idea of us when things a got a little tough, and then you went running to my best friend! My best friend, Lucas! Do you have any idea how that made me feel, showing up on your doorstep, wanting everything with you only to find you'd already found it with Brooke?"

Her words were like verbal ice-picks in his chest. He felt like such a sewer-slug for everything he'd put her through. How could he have ever even considered going after Brooke? He was such an idiot.

"And that's not the worst of it!" Her eyes were pouring tears now, and the raw hurt and anguish in them wilted Lucas on the inside. She'd obviously been carrying this around with her for a long time. "After saying you wanted to be with me and that I had your heart, and all that other crap, you didn't even hesitate to hook up with Nikki only days after I told you we couldn't be together. And having to find out about it at that party in front of everyone, I wanted to die, Luke!"

Lucas wanted to cry, though he didn't. She was painting him a tapestry of all his heartbreaking screw-ups and he hadn't seen till now just how badly he'd hurt her. He wanted to erase everything, all his mistakes, all the times he strayed from her, but he couldn't. All he could do was stand here and take whatever recriminations she decided to lay on him. He deserved it after all.

"That's the truth, Lucas. The facts speak for themselves. You never wanted me, you were just infatuated with the idea of me. And when you couldn't appease your hormones, you threw me aside and went for the next most convenient thing."

Lucas was shocked, hurt, and also angry. She knew damn well that's not how it was. "That's not true, and you know it. I told you I wanted everything with you Peyton. Do you really think it was just some teen infatuation? Well, you're wrong. What I felt for you was so immense and all-consuming it scared me and I didn't know how to handle it. I know I made a lot of mistakes, but I was a stupid and immature kid who didn't know how to handle his own heart."

He took a few steps toward her, but she didn't move away. She just continued to stare at him, eyes glistening with tears and full of bewilderment.

"I'm not the same guy I was, Peyton. You know that. And for the first time ever I finally know what my heart wants, and it wants you. I love you, Peyton, and I know you love me, too."

"You're wrong," Peyton said weakly. He was getting through to her, he could tell.

"No. When you told me you loved me in the library that day, you meant every word. Deep down, even if I denied it, I knew it was true. So do you, but you're just scared." He was inches from her now, eye-to-eye.

Peyton's lip quivered and her expression radiated vulnerability. She looked lost, and Lucas wanted to take her into his arms and hold her, but he had to let her sort this out on her own.

"I love Jake," she stated suddenly.

"I know you do. But you love me, too, and I think you know deep down that you and I were meant to be together," he said confidently. Lucas hoped his confidence would sway her, but it seemed to do the opposite.

Her eyes narrowed and he saw her familiar barriers slide into place. "No Luke, we were never destined to be anything other than friends. I'm in love with Jake. I don't want you."

Had Lucas not been sure that she was lying, those words would've killed him. But he knew she was just being stubborn and letting fear control her. Still, he had to do something drastic to make her open her eyes. So he did the first thing that came to mind.

He grabbed her and crashed his lips onto hers.

It took her a split second to get over her shock before she began reciprocating and pretty soon, the two were kissing passionately. Lucas had never felt or tasted anything so wonderful in his life. His hands were everywhere, in her silky hair, on her back, her hips, her backside, and he felt her hands urgently moving over his body. His nostrils took in the coconut fragrance of her trademark shampoo and the more personal scent of her skin that was so uniquely Peyton. Most of all, the taste of her tongue and her lips was like ambrosia, and he couldn't get enough of it.

The earth seemed to shake and the world around them seemed to spin into nothingness. Everything ceased to exist except them in their solipsistic bubble. Lucas couldn't help but think that if Heaven was real, this must be a taste of what it was like. But then Heaven was shattered when Peyton ripped herself away from him and pushed him back.

There she stood, a few feet away, breathing heavily, her cheeks rosy, looking at him as if he'd gone insane. "Lucas, what the hell are you doing?"

"Kissing you," he replied matter-of-factly, still breathless himself. "And you were kissing me right back."

She just shook her head and let out a frustrated shout. Then, she turned around and immediately made a break for the door. "I can't do this," was all she said.

He couldn't let her go yet, so he grabbed her arm and pulled her in for another kiss. Just like before, she kissed him back, but this time, she shut him down before it could get too hot and heavy. She yanked away from him and gaped at him, eyes saucer-like.

"Stop kissing me!" she shrieked.

"I can't help it!" he shouted back. "I want you so much. I need you and I love you and I just wanted to show you how I felt about you."

"Well stop it! I love Jake, Lucas! I. Love. Jake. Get that through your thick head!"

"I don't believe you!"

"Well too bad! There is no us, Lucas, and there never will be!"

"Don't say that," he whispered. "I know you don't mean it."

Peyton shook her head again, and fresh tears spilled down her cheeks. "Why did you have to ruin everything? We were so good as friends. You were the shoulder I could lean on, the person I could turn to when no one else understood, but now that's gone."

"No, it's not." He moved toward her, cupping her cheek in his hand. "I feel the same way about you. Doesn't that mean anything?"

"It used to. But not anymore." She pulled away from him. "Jake is the guy for me, Lucas, not you. Right now, we're not even friends."

She gave him one last mournful look, and he could detect the doubt in her eyes. Doubt at her own words. Nevertheless, she opened the door to the roof and went back inside, leaving him standing alone.

The old Lucas would've chosen this exact moment to throw in the towel and give up. But that was the old Lucas. The new Lucas would never give up. He had felt the passion in that kiss, which still lingered on his tongue, and knew for a fact that she did want him. He just had to prove that he was the one for her.

Because he had something now that he hadn't the first time around.

Resolve.

**~Chapter Four End**


	5. Heart

**A/N:** Well, here it is, the final chapter. Took me long enough, huh? I doubt anyone even cares about this story anymore, but I just had to finish this. This story is my first attempt at fanfiction and ultimately an experiment. It was supposed to be a one-shot but it went completely out of control and mutated into a five-chapter monster. Somewhere along the way, I lost interest but I decided that I couldn't leave it unfinished and forced myself to write this final chapter. Because of that, I can't vouch for the quality. But at least it's done.

I apologize for the length of this chapter. I could've split it up into two chapters but I decided to finish the fic off in one fell swoop.

Also, I do plan on finishing my other story, "Falling Down."

* * *

**Chapter Five: Heart**

Peyton raced down the steps that led to the rooftop two at a time, tears blurring her vision. Back in the student-packed halls, she ignored the stares and whispers of gawk-eyed observers, and didn't even bother to apologize to those she accidentally bumped into. She needed to get out. Out, out, _**out!**_

She blew right past Nathan and Haley, who had just entered the building, ignoring their calls of concern as she burst out of the school, into the overcast day, and made a break for her Comet. There was no way she could stay for her classes, not now, not after what had happened on that rooftop.

That kiss had rocked her world, and the look of shear love and want in Lucas's eyes had shaken her to her core. The aftershocks still reverberated throughout her and she could barely think. As she reached the parking lot, Peyton frantically glanced over her shoulder and was both relieved and disappointed that Lucas had not followed her out.

Her lips still tingled from the kiss, and her body felt strangely warm from being in Lucas's arms and from touching him. The earth around her still hadn't completely stopped shaking and Peyton hated that one heated kiss could have such an effect on her, because she was in love with Jake, and it should be Jake that made her feel like that, but he didn't, and oh, why couldn't it be Jake because then everything would be so much easier, instead it was Lucas that infected her every vein and pore like a narcotic, and-

Finally, the Comet. In the driver's seat now, she jammed the key in the ignition like she jammed her thoughts of Lucas into the deepest, darkest closet in her mind. She loved him, but she couldn't have him. She loved Jake and had him, but he couldn't oust Lucas from her heart. Peyton felt as though she were imploding on the inside, she had no idea what to do. The only thing she could do was avoid Lucas at all costs and bury herself in Jake.

But as she pulled out of the student parking lot and onto the roads of Tree Hill, the loss of the blue-eyed blond was already gnawing a hole in her heart.

* * *

For the next week, Lucas barely saw Peyton as she seemed to make every effort to avoid him. The few times they passed each other in the halls or when they were in the classes they shared, she kept her gaze on everything but him. Most of the time, anyway. Sometimes, Lucas would catch her surreptitiously peering at him and on those rare occasions when their eyes met, he would put on his trademark Scott-smirk and meet her green pupils as intensely as he could. She would quickly glance away, but each time he saw a slight tinge of rose in her cheeks, Lucas would experience a small thrill of victory.

Like he told Haley, he wasn't going to interfere in her relationship with Jake. He wasn't that kind of guy. But he was going to seize every opportunity, however small, that he could to pry her out of her shell of denial. Still, it was harder than anything to see her yet not be able to go up and talk to her. Most of all, though, he wanted to kiss her again. Lucas still felt the heat from their searing lip-lock on the roof and he wanted more.

He wasn't stupid. He knew he didn't deserve her. Peyton was too good for him and he was beneath her, but he didn't care. He didn't want to look back years from now and regret having not tried his absolute hardest to win her over.

In the mean time, Nathan had asked him to be best man for his second wedding to Haley, and he and Lucas spent a great deal of time planning for the ceremony and working out all the details. Plus, the Ravens had a game coming up and practice was back in full swing. Between practice and best man duties and helping his mother get the Café back up and running, Lucas found time to subtly work on Peyton.

Sporadically, every now and then, he sent her songs, new and old, that he knew meant something to her via cell phone. A few times he swore he saw the corners of her mouth curve upwards just a bit when she received one of his tracks. Aside from that, whenever they were in proximity of one another he would do his best to catch her attention and when he succeeded, he would hit her with the warmest and most genuine smile he could muster, and while she appeared to brush him off, he knew it was affecting her. Lucas was relentless, something he should've been a year ago the first time he'd lost her.

* * *

For Peyton, school was pure torture. Every time she felt Lucas's crystal blue eyes on her, her breath deserted her. When he smiled at her, her heart took off. And when he sent her a song she loved, a song that defined her and spoke to her, she just about melted and she had to physically hold herself back from grinning stupidly. She was losing it.

Her relationship with Jake wasn't exactly stellar, either. Between taking care of Jenny and work, he barely had time for her, and the few times they managed to get around his schedule to allow for a date or an evening at her house, the atmosphere was awkward, the conversations forced, and the making out wooden. Jake tried his best, he really did. He was a wonderful guy with an enormous heart, but their efforts to get back to the way they used to be were proving to be in vain. Even before all of the Nikki-drama and his departure last year, Peyton had never been able to fully let Jake in, and she was beginning to wonder if she ever really could.

But Jake was safe and predictable and incapable of inflicting the sort of soul-shattering heartache on her that Lucas could, and that was enough for her. At least, that's what she told herself. Peyton also believed that once his schedule mellowed out a bit and he got his own place, they could work through the current obstacles in their relationship. She had to believe that for the alternative was just too frightening.

Friday arrived, and with it, so did the overwhelming anticipation for the Raven's first game since the shooting. When Peyton entered the school that morning she was as usual bombarded with banners and posters that touted school spirit and support for their beloved basketball team. The throng of students that mingled in the halls was just a little more animate and wound up than usual, and one could actually feel the buzz in the air as if the entire school was a honeycomb in a giant bee hive.

Trying not to let her eyes role and keeping said eyes peeled for a certain blond, Peyton made her way to her locker. When she opened it, she found a folded piece of paper resting on her Calculus text. Picking it up, she discovered that it was actually two pieces of paper folded together. She unfolded them, and then froze in shock. The drawings she had sketched back at Rachel's cabin.

Had Brooke left them here for her? Her question was answered for her when she noticed the writing on the pictures that wasn't hers and certainly wasn't Brooke's. On the first drawing, the one of her sitting beside Lucas as they leaned up against the bookshelf with blood from her ankle pooling on the carpet, and the one that she had captioned with the words 'Tell Me About a Good Day,' there was a caption written in small font beneath her own.

It said, 'A good day was the day we first spoke; a bad day was the day I almost lost you.' As she felt a cauldron of emotion building within her, she slowly cycled the other drawing into view, and like the first, it too had been embellished.

Near the bottom of the sketch of her kissing Lucas: 'A Kiss ALWAYS Means Something.'

Peyton was speechless. A million questions whipped through her mind like snowflakes in a blizzard. There was no mystery as to who had written this. But how had Lucas gotten hold of her drawings? Had Brooke given them to him, and if so, why?

Brooke had been keeping her distance and Peyton didn't feel too comfortable approaching the brunette and asking her about this. She was still hurting and Peyton didn't want to add to that. She missed her best friend. And suddenly, she felt an irrational anger towards Lucas. It was his fault that she didn't have Brooke to talk to.

Why now? For the past several months, Lucas had bent over backwards to prove his love for Brooke. He'd went on-and-on about how Brooke was the girl for him, and now all the sudden, he wanted Peyton. How unfair was that? Jake was back and in her life again, but now, thanks to Lucas, she'd lost—at least temporarily—Brooke again, and she couldn't even enjoy herself with a perfectly great guy.

It didn't matter what she felt for the blond Scott-brother. She and Lucas had been destined to crash and burn from the beginning and there was no point in entertaining the idea of regaining something that had never actually been in the first place.

With that in mind, Peyton furiously crumpled the drawings up and then slammed her locker closed. Marching over to a nearby trash can, she deposited the refuse into the garbage and briskly strode away.

Nice try, Lucas, but it wasn't going to work.

* * *

In only a couple of hours, the Tree Hill Ravens were going to square off with the Pickerington Pirates—or Pickerington Hicks, as they were so often referred to—in the Ravens' first game since before the tragic deaths of Jimmy Edwards and Keith Scott.

On the bus ride to the old gym on the outskirts of town, Lucas lost himself in his iPod and a copy of the latest Dean Koontz novel. He'd just recently taken an interest in Koontz's work and had come to love it, even if it sometimes was formulaic. Mostly, he was just trying to distract himself from his anxiety. The last time he'd played in that gym, Keith had been alive and in the stands with his mother, cheering him on. It was going to be hard stepping onto that hardwood again, knowing Keith wouldn't be there in person. His mother had said she might come depending on whether or not she could get someone to fill in for her at the café, but Lucas knew it was just as hard for her, if not more, as it was for him to be here tonight. He had assured her that she didn't have to come if she wasn't up to it and that he'd be fine if she decided not to, but secretly, Lucas hoped she would.

They arrived at their destination, and as the players debarked and proceeded to coalesce around the bus, chattering excitedly about the impending game, Lucas ventured to the locker room alone. The paint was peeling, the walls looked faded and washed out, and the faint unpleasant residual odor of mold and old sweat lingered, but that was pretty much characteristic of the entire gym, not just the locker room. When he opened his locker, Lucas was taken aback by the black jersey. When he took it out and examined it more closely, he noticed the initials 'KS' embroidered on it.

_Keith Scott_.

A lump formed in his throat. He stared at the emblem, wondering if he could really do this tonight.

"Keith Scott." Nathan's voice startled him slightly. "Whitey thought we should dedicate this game to Keith so he had his initials put on all the jerseys."

Lucas turned toward his brother, still holding the jersey, but said nothing. Nathan's eyes radiated concern as he jammed his hands into his pockets.

"You ready for this?" he asked tentatively.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Lucas replied.

Truth was, he wasn't ready at all, but he was going to go out there anyway whether he was ready or not. Peyton would be out there tonight, and he needed to be at his best. Hell, one of the main reasons he'd joined the Ravens in the first place was so he could get closer to Peyton. For awhile, he'd lost sight of that, but now he was back on track and he wanted her to see him playing his heart out tonight.

"Let's do this, little brother," Lucas said, and the two bumped fists.

"I was hoping you'd say that."

* * *

Peyton did her best to ignore the rank odor of filth and sweat that seemed to radiate off of every surface in the building, but it wasn't easy. She couldn't wait until they were back to playing games in the field house back at the high school. Slamming her locker closed, she turned around and spotted Brooke, clad in her uniform and on her way out. The brunette gave her a small smile as she passed which Peyton returned.

Her smile faded after Brooke had departed. She wished things could get back to normal. She needed her best friend more than ever right now. The dilemma she was in was tearing her apart, but she couldn't exactly talk to Brooke about it considering it involved her ex-boyfriend.

Peyton sighed, grabbing her pom-poms and was about to exit the locker room until Haley's voice stopped her.

"Hey girly, you okay?" she inquired, concern in her voice and eyes.

Peyton turned to Haley. "Yeah. Why?"

"Well, since you blew past Nathan and I in tears the other day, you've been kind of elusive. Something happen between you and Brooke?"

Embarrassed, Peyton nodded. "Sorry about that. And yeah, Brooke and I kind of had a misunderstanding. We're okay and everything, but we agreed that we needed some time apart."

Haley nodded, but Peyton could sense a burning question coming. "Does this have anything to do with Lucas?"

Oh boy.

"How did you…?"

"He is my best friend," Haley said matter-of-factly.

"Look Haley, there's nothing going on between me and Lucas. I love Jake, and that's all there is to it." She hoped she sounded convincing, for her sake as well as Haley's.

Haley seemed like she wanted to press it further, but the murmur of the crowd out in the gym indicated the game was about to start soon.

"Whatever you say," was all Haley said.

Peyton just shook her head and followed the shorter girl out into the packed gymnasium. She and Haley took their respective places with the rest of the cheerleaders as the players began to matriculate onto the court. She spotted Lucas immediately. She couldn't help it, really. Jake hadn't been able to make it to the game because Jenny had a cold and he'd wanted to stay with her. Peyton couldn't exactly be mad at him for being a doting father, but it was frustrating. Had Jake been in the stands, she could've focused on him all night and tuned out Lucas.

A nagging little voice told her Jake's presence wouldn't have made a difference, but she ignored that voice; it always tended to get her into trouble.

And indeed, Peyton knew she was in trouble when she laid eyes on Lucas and felt a familiar rush of heat. This wasn't good.

A whistle blew and within seconds the game was on. As Peyton began her routine, she found she couldn't tear her attention away from Lucas's fluid and graceful movements. She almost hated him for that.

_Just breath_, she told herself.

* * *

_Just breath_, Lucas told himself.

He'd done this countless times before and he could do it tonight. As the world around him erupted into activity, Lucas found himself blending with the rhythm of the game seamlessly. It was like riding a bicycle; you never forgot how. From the corner of his eye, he spotted his mother entering the gym and making her way into the stands. Relieved and glad, he focused on the game.

However, he couldn't help steeling glances over at Peyton. How could he not? Her best asset—her legs—was on full display, and she just looked so gorgeous in her cheerleader uniform that Lucas couldn't help but sneak the occasional peek at her. He wondered if she'd discovered the drawings he'd left in her locker. If she had, she wasn't giving any indication. In fact, she was doing what she'd been doing for the past week: trying to ignore him. 'Trying' being the operative word. He'd felt her eyes on him more than once.

Lucas didn't realize he'd distracted himself until he missed an easy pass. The crowd's reaction and Whitey's loud reprimand brought him back to earth. As the Pickerington Hicks took possession of the ball, Nathan sidled up beside him.

"Dude, keep your eyes on the ball instead of Peyton."

"Sorry," Lucas said.

Nathan just shook his head, a half-smile creasing his mouth, and he retook his position. Lucas did the same, and this time, he focused all of his attention on the game. Within seconds, Lucas had the ball back in his hands and he sank a three-pointer. As the crowd erupted, half cheering and the other half jeering, Lucas felt the adrenaline really kick in. It was terrific to be back on the court and what remained of his earlier anxiety evaporated. Keith was here in his own way and he didn't have to feel guilty for enjoying the game he loved. Keith wouldn't have wanted him to.

Lucas scored eight more points, made five assists, and affected two successful steels before the first quarter ended. And when the second quarter began, he felt like he was going to pass out. It all happened so fast. One minute, he was riding high in a sea of endorphins, and in the next instant, his body started to shut down on him. His limbs were like lead. His joints felt as though they were encased in rapidly drying cement, and he couldn't seem to hold even a shallow breath of air in his lungs. Lucas had no clue what was wrong, but he had to soldier through; Peyton was watching, after all.

He shook his head and immediately regretted it as the gym spun. The sound of the whistle that signaled the beginning of the second quarter pierced his skull like a drill and as the game resumed, the squeak of rubber soles on waxed hardwood and the thud-thud-thud of the ball being dribbled screeched and boomed in his head painfully. Then, the pain came. A tightly-coiled ache that began in his shoulder and snaked out in both directions, down his arm and across his chest. His torso and arm pulsed with pain as though his arteries were pumping quarry stones instead of blood. Lucas tried to tune it out, but the pain was steadily intensifying.

He had no time to dwell on that, though. The ball was coming in his direction and he was currently the only one that was open and near enough to the enemy hoop to successfully score. His arms weighed two-thousand pounds each, but somehow, Lucas was able to raise them in time to catch the ball. The impact of the ball against his palms was like a drumstick impacting a large bass and the pain seemed to ululate in a dance of agony within him.

Just a little bit more.

Fighting nausea and vertigo, Lucas turned toward the hoop.

Just a little more.

He tried to lift his arms to make the shot, but it was like chains attached to medicine balls were wrapped around them.

C'mon, just a bit.

The pain exploded into agony and his chest tightened into a furious knot.

Too little, too late.

His vision blurred and he didn't even realize the ball had dropped from his hands. He couldn't hear anything other than the frantic staccato beat of his heart. It felt as if someone was pounding on his chest. And then it hit him.

His heart.

Lucas sensed himself falling but he couldn't comprehend it in real time. It was as though everything was in slow emotion. His thoughts, however, were going a mile a minute. He was a selfish bastard. Haley had tried to warn him but he'd shrugged off her concerns, arrogantly assuming he was too young to worry about cardiac arrest even if he had HCM. But it was happening to him, here and now. He was having a heart attack.

Lucas faintly felt his body hit the hardwood floor. He stared up at the rafters of the gym, his vision rippling as if he were submerged under water. He couldn't feel anything other than the pain and could hear nothing else but the thunderous drumming of his failing heart. This was really it. He was going to die. Darkness coalesced around the corners, closing in, or maybe the shadows he saw were people, concerned about him and trying to offer aid. It didn't matter; Lucas doubted there was anything they could do.

There was nothing he could do, either. It was too late to look back and regret he'd shirked his medication and kept his condition a secret. It was too late to loath himself for lying to his mother and inflicting yet another crippling heartbreak on her. And, worst of all, it was too late to turn his head and catch one more glimpse of Peyton. He couldn't move and his eyes comprehended only blurs and flashes. So he conjured her in his mind. Her golden blonde hair, somber green eyes, and cream complexion; legs that went on for miles and her hourglass frame. It was all he had left.

What followed was not a slideshow of his entire life like all the stories told, but a slideshow of his history with Peyton. It began with the first time he ever saw her when he was only ten years old. The first time he ever spoke to her, near the river where her car had broken down. Their first kiss at Dan's party and the first time she'd broken his heart at that very same party. The first time he'd broken her heart when she found out he'd hooked up with Nikki. Then there was the ordeal in the library; her shot and in danger of bleeding to death and him frantically trying to figure out a way to get her to safety, and then her telling him she loved him. It all flashed through Lucas's mind at light-speed; every moment, every laugh, every tear, every joy, every sorrow, every song they shared, every piece of art she'd given him, every single thing that was _them_ Lucas relived in an instant.

And then there was darkness.

* * *

From the moment the second quarter began, Peyton had intuitively sensed that something wasn't right with Lucas, but when the ball dropped from his hands and he suddenly collapsed, the shock of it almost knocked her over. That shock was quickly replaced by a frigid panic when Lucas didn't move or even so much as twitch.

For an instant, all activity came to a grinding halt and the gym fell silent as dozens of stunned gazes assailed the downed player. When the instant passed, Peyton found she was no longer standing on the sidelines but instead kneeling down beside Lucas, her pom-poms discarded and forgotten. She had no memory of covering the distance between Point A and Point B. A cacophony of alarmed cries and murmured apprehension rose up, blanketing the room but barely registering in Peyton's ears.

Lucas was pale, and it didn't look like he was breathing. She couldn't acknowledge anything else when she felt as though she were being dragged under by a dark and hideous anguish. Nathan was suddenly there, kneeling down like her, trying to rouse his brother. Whitey eventually joined him, his features twisted in concern. Finally, Karen swooped in like a mother eagle, her voice shrilly calling her son's name.

This couldn't be happening. Not now. Not when Peyton still hadn't told him that…

That what? That she loved him? Because it was true, she did love him. Peyton loved him more than anything, but in typical Peyton Sawyer-fashion, it looked like it was too late for it to matter. How could she have been so stupid? Hiding with Jake, denying what she really felt, dodging Lucas because she was afraid of what her heart might make her do; so much wasted time.

And now he was lying there, pallid, his beautiful blue eyes hidden from her, possibly forever.

"Is he going to be okay?" a hoarse voice called out frantically. It took Peyton a few seconds to realize that the voice belonged to her. She had barely recognized it.

"Lucas? Lucas, please, just open your eyes, baby-boy!" Karen prodded her son, her voice tinged with terror.

"C'mon Luke, stay with us." This came from Nathan who had never looked more distraught.

At some point, Haley had joined them though she had yet to speak. The girl's face was ghost-white and she looked like she might throw-up any second. Looking at her, Peyton had no doubt she was looking at a reflection of her own face.

The Pickerington team medic arrived on the scene with a leather medical bag in hand. The man placed his index and middle finger on Lucas's neck, obviously searching for a pulse. Peyton's and everyone else's worst fears were confirmed when the man withdrew his fingers and looked up at them solemnly.

"I'm not getting any pulse. We need to get paramedics here ASAP," he said gravely.

Karen wilted and Peyton felt her stomach drop. Nathan remained perched beside Lucas, stoic and protective. The medic was already on a cell phone with 911, and Peyton prayed that Pickerington being a small town meant the ambulance would be on the scene quickly.

"He has HCM!"

Everyone turned toward Haley, who now had tears streaking down her cheeks. Her outburst had stunned them all. HCM? That heart defect that Lucas and Nathan had been in danger of inheriting from Dan? Peyton had heard about that, but Lucas had been cleared, just like Nathan. Had Lucas lied about the results?

Nathan stood up and put his hands on Haley's shoulders. "Hales, what are you talking about? Luke tested negative."

But Haley shook her head violently. "No, he didn't! He used Keith's results. He made me promise not to tell anyone and he said he was taking his medication, but I should've told someone! God, I'm so sorry Karen!"

Karen looked at the sobbing girl, horror and betrayal in her eyes. She said nothing, though, and returned her gaze to her son, whispering something to him that Peyton couldn't hear. The medic was relaying the information about Lucas's heart condition into the phone, while Nathan attempted to comfort his wife, and Whitey seemed to be silently uttering prayers.

And Peyton just stood there, helpless. As usual. It was becoming a terrible trend. She'd been helpless in the face of her father's grief over her mother's death and had been forced to watch him suffer in silence until he couldn't stand to be around the house he'd shared with his lost wife. And so Peyton had stood on the docks many-a-times, that familiar feeling of helplessness choking her as she watched her dad leave. She'd been helpless when Nikki had stolen Jenny and forced Jake to go after her. She'd stood on the landing of the steps that served the entrance to Tric and watched him ride off on his motorcycle, at the time believing she might never see him again.

And now, as the love of her life was lifted onto the stretcher by paramedics, who had finally arrived after what seemed like an eternity, she was once again helpless and unable to do anything but watch as he was carted out of the gym and away from her. She would've given anything to ride with him to the hospital, but she knew there was probably only room for one extra passenger on the ambulance, and that spot was reserved for Karen. The woman in question was flanking the stretcher that held her son, keeping pace with the paramedics.

Nathan, Haley, and Whitey began to follow but Peyton couldn't seem to get her legs to work. She nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt a hand on her shoulder, and she turned to find Brooke standing there, her chocolate eyes red with tears. The brunette must've been there the entire time but Peyton had been too preoccupied to notice.

"C'mon, I'll drive you to the hospital," Brooke offered.

Peyton nodded gratefully. "Thank you."

Brooke mustered a watery smile and grasped Peyton's hand. "It's going to be okay, P. Sawyer."

"God Brooke, I hope so. I don't know how I'll ever even breathe again if he doesn't make it."

* * *

The smell of antiseptics was beginning to make Peyton nauseous, but since her stomach was clenched so tightly with dread, she didn't think she was in any danger of vomiting. She could barely fathom how Karen must be feeling, having so recently lost Keith, and who now was in danger of losing her only child.

Lucas had been in the ER for almost three hours, and so far, none of them had heard a word from the doctors or staff. The waiting room was perforated by a cloud of despair that was almost visible to the naked eye in its intensity. In the seats nearest to the ER entrance sat Karen, stiff and distressed, and Whitey, who was comforting her the best he could. Across from Peyton were Nathan and Haley. The latter had alternated between borderline catatonia and uncontrolled sobbing since they'd gotten here, and currently had her head in her hands. Peyton couldn't tell if she was crying or not.

She wanted to be angry at the girl for keeping Lucas's condition a secret, but Peyton found only sympathy for Haley. She was probably being torn apart on the inside from guilt, and if Lucas had come to Peyton with his heart condition and asked her to keep it a secret, she probably would've done exactly what Haley had. In fact, interlaced with her grief and love was anger towards Lucas for gambling with his life. The thought that she might never get the chance to express her anger toward him was too much to bear.

From the chair to her left, Brooke sat, her hand entwined with Peyton's. All the issues between them and the awkwardness were trivial in comparison to the current situation. Peyton wouldn't have even made it to the hospital if not for Brooke and the brunette's willingness to put things aside so that they could be here to support the boy they both loved together meant more to Peyton than she could ever express.

The double doors that served the ER opened and a doctor in green scrubs emerged. In near perfect unison, the occupants of the waiting room stood. The anticipation in the air was almost suffocating and Peyton felt like she could barely breathe. Her lungs and her blood seemed to be encased in ice as she waited for the doctor to speak. Brooke squeezed her hand and Peyton gave her as much of a smile as she could muster in gratitude.

"Family of Lucas Scott?" the doctor inquired.

Karen spoke up immediately. "Yes, I'm his mother. Is he okay? Is my boy going to be alright?"

"I'm Dr. Hastings." Dr. Hastings began with introducing himself. "Your son suffered a full cardiac arrest, a heart attack, and for a brief instant, we lost him."

Karen visibly wilted and Peyton felt her insides crystallize. _No. Please God, no._

"Fortunately, we were able to resuscitate him," Dr. Hastings continued. Relieved sighs filled the room. "Unfortunately, during our efforts to stabilize him he lapsed into a coma he has yet to wake up from," the doctor finished gravely.

"But he's stable, right?" Karen prodded.

Dr. Hastings nodded. "Yes, he is stable and currently out of danger."

"When will he wake up?" Peyton croaked out.

"It's impossible to say. It could be anywhere from a few hours to a few days." Dr. Hastings focused in on Karen. "Were you aware of your son's heart condition?"

"No," Karen replied. "I mean, we knew of the possibility that he might have it, and he got tested and we thought he tested negative, but he lied about the results. He…he didn't want to quit basketball."

Dr. Hastings sighed. "I was afraid of that. Lucas has hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, or HCM, as it's commonly referred to as. It's a hereditary condition that causes the walls of the heart to thicken thereby forcing the heart muscle to work harder to pump blood. Lucas's condition is a bit more progressive than most, so even at his young age, any prolonged intense physical activity can overwhelm his heart and induce a heart attack."

Which is exactly what happened, Peyton thought. _God, Lucas, why?_

"Generally," Dr. Hastings continued. "HCM is treatable with medication that gently slows the heart down in order to relieve the stress on the muscle. We didn't find any trace of that medication in his system, so it isn't completely surprising that this happened."

Unable to remain on her feet, Karen collapsed into the chair behind her. Everybody else remained standing and silent, each lost in their own thoughts, mulling over what the doctor had told them. The harsh white light fixtures bleached the waiting room, blanketing its occupants with an almost ghostly aura. Peyton hated this place. She hated everything about it. She wanted to be anywhere else in the world but here, and would've split long ago if the boy she loved hadn't been trapped here, fighting for his life.

"Can I see him?" Karen pleaded.

Dr. Hastings nodded. "Of course. But only one at a time, and only for a short while."

Karen followed the doctor into the ER and Peyton wished for all the world that she could've gone with them. Brooke gently enveloped her into a hug which Peyton gladly accepted. It was warm and familiar, just like it had been after her mother had been killed when they were only nine.

"He's going to pull through, P. Sawyer," Brooke whispered into her ear.

Peyton sniffled as she pulled away. "Yeah. Yeah, I know."

"In the meantime, maybe you should go home, take a shower, and change out of that uniform. Though I'm sure Luke would love to wake up to that sight," Brooke joked.

Peyton let out a watery chuckle. Only Brooke could make her laugh while she was on the verge of tears. "Yeah, you're right. I'm just afraid that if I leave, something will happen."

"Don't worry about it, Sawyer," Nathan said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "We'll keep watch."

Whitey approached the group. "Why don't all of you take a break? You kids shouldn't be cooped up in this place all day, and I know Lucas wouldn't want you all to wear yourselves to the bone in this waiting room."

"I'm staying," Haley mumbled. Her voice was low and so twisted with grief, Peyton almost didn't recognize it. "This is my fault, so I have to stay."

"Hales…"

"No, Nathan! I'm staying." Haley's voice began to crack and tears formed in her eyes. "I have to."

"Haley, this isn't your fault," Nathan consoled, wrapping his arms around his wife. "Luke chose to go out there knowing the risks. You were just trying to be a good friend. I knew something was off, too, back when the season began, but I was still mad at him then and I came down on him hard. It's my fault, too."

Whitey shook his head. "Don't be so hard on yourself, Nathan. I'm the coach and this team and its players are my responsibility. I should've followed up and made sure that Lucas was healthy enough to play. At the very least, I should've noticed something was off. This is just as much my fault as anybody else's."

"Okay, enough!"

Everyone stared at Brooke.

Brooke took a deep, calming breath before she continued. "Guys, this isn't helping. We could all stand here and blame ourselves until we're old and gray, but it's not going to do Lucas any good. Both Luke and Karen need all the support they can get right now, and we can't give it to them if we're too busy throwing a pity-party. Now, I think we should all take a breather and come back when we're refreshed."

They were all silent for a moment, taking in Brooke's words. The brunette was right and Peyton had never been more proud of her best friend.

"Well Ms. Davis, I'm glad someone around here has their head on straight," Whitey said. "You kids go home, clean yourselves up, and get something to eat. I'll take the first shift."

"Yeah, that's a good idea," Nathan conceded. He turned to Haley. "Hales, I know you want to stay, but we really should go home and put on some fresh clothes. It'll only take about a half hour and then we'll be right back. C'mon, what do you say?"

Haley reluctantly nodded. "Fine," she whispered.

"In the meantime, maybe you ought to get a hold of your father, Nathan," Whitey suggested.

"Yeah, I'll take care of it. C'mon Hales." Nathan gently guided his wife toward the exit.

Peyton watched them leave for a few seconds and then turned back toward the ER doors. She wanted to see Lucas and she wanted to be there to comfort Karen, but she knew she needed to give mother and son privacy. Brooke's hand on her arm broke her reverie.

"Okay P. Sawyer, that's our cue. I'm going to drop you off at the gym so you can get your car. Unless you're not okay to drive?"

"Oh no, I'll be fine. Thanks Brooke."

Brooke shook her head, smiling. "You just be strong."

Peyton nodded. "Yeah, well, I just hope Lucas does the same."

* * *

After Brooke dropped her off at the gym, Peyton jumped in her car and drove straight home in complete defiance of the speed limits. She was surprised to find Jake waiting for her and was even further surprised that she hadn't even given him a thought up till now. Then again, maybe it wasn't that surprising since her thoughts had been completely monopolized by Lucas.

She'd given Jake a brief rundown of what had happened to Lucas and then she'd ran up the stairs, taken the quickest shower of her life, took three seconds to dry and carelessly brush her wet and messy hair, and then charged back down the stairs sporting a pair of jeans and a black Ramones t-shirt. Jake had offered to go with her to the hospital, but she'd refused, maybe a little too profusely. There were things she needed to say to Lucas, even if he was unconscious and couldn't hear them, and Jake couldn't be there to hear that. Besides, he had to take care of Jenny.

Peyton had felt horribly guilty in that moment, knowing she was about to confess her love to another guy, a comatose one at that, and knowing that when all was said and done, she was going to have to break up with Jake. Funny thing was, Peyton suspected that Jake could already sense their impending end. Things between them had been awkward and strained since his return to Tree Hill and she knew a lot of that was her fault. It was hard to admit, but Peyton had been using him. She'd been using him as an excuse to reject Lucas and it wasn't fair to him or Jenny. For his sake, she needed to end things, but first, she had to go see Lucas.

She bade Jake a hasty farewell and was behind the wheel of her Comet and screaming toward the hospital before he even had a chance to return a farewell of his own. Peyton loathed being so inconsiderate toward the guy who was supposed to be her boyfriend, but right now, Lucas was her only priority.

Through the glass doors of the hospital entrance, that hateful waiting room awaited. The only ones there when Peyton returned were Karen and Whitey. Karen was pale and looked completely exhausted. It looked as though Whitey was physically holding the woman up, as if she'd collapse under the weight of her misery. Peyton kind of felt like she might need someone to hold her up, too.

Karen offered a weak smile when she saw Peyton. "Peyton, you don't have to stay."

"There's nowhere else I'd want to be," Peyton said. She grasped the older woman's hand, squeezing gently. "How is he?"

"No change," Karen replied. "He looks…he looks so peaceful, like he's just asleep. I keep hoping he'll just wake up and give me a big smile, and then I can yell at him for lying to me about his condition. But he's just so still and I….I…."

Peyton actually felt the sob pass through Karen's body and she enveloped the woman into a hug, trying not to let her own sob escape. Karen had always come off as a pillar of strength; a tower of steel that couldn't be bent or toppled. Seeing the woman vulnerable like this jarred Peyton. But even the strongest person had their limits, and after Keith's tragic death, Karen's steely resolve had obviously weathered.

They separated and Karen wiped her face. "If you want to see him, it's okay. He's in room 113 in the ER."

Peyton nodded. "Yeah, I'd like that. You should go home and get some rest. I'll stay with him until the others get back."

"She's right, Karen," Whitey said. "You know Lucas would be worried sick if he knew you were pushing yourself so hard."

Karen shook her head. "I won't be able to sleep until I know my son will be okay."

"Well, at the very least, it might be a good idea to step out for a bit and get some fresh air," Whitey offered. "You know Lucas would want you to."

Karen finally relented. "Alright, just for a few minutes."

Whitey helped Karen to her feet and slowly escorted her toward the exit. Peyton watched them go, her heart going out to the woman who was like a second mother to her. "I'll come get you if anything changes," she assured the older woman.

Karen nodded and turned to leave, but then she stopped suddenly and turned back to Peyton. "He's lucky to have you, Peyton," she said, a knowing look on her face.

A little stunned, Peyton could only smile and nod. A mother always knows.

As Karen and Whitey left the waiting room, Peyton let out a deep sigh and focused on the doors to the ER. Her pulse began to race and her bowels clenched in apprehension. This was it.

Slowly, one foot in front of the other, Peyton made her way towards the foreboding doors. She reached one tentative hand out and flattened her palm against the metal push-panel. She swallowed.

Finally, she entered.

* * *

Karen was right, Lucas did look peaceful. As peaceful as one could be lying comatose in a hospital bed, an EKG monitor issuing piercing signals practically right in the ear.

Peyton gently closed the door behind her, surrendering the room to a soft gloom. There were no windows and only a single light fixture on the ceiling was active. She slowly, almost cautiously, approached the bed and took a seat in the plastic chair next to it. For several minutes, Peyton said nothing. She simply stared at the boy of her dreams lying there in a garish hospital gown, his short blond hair messy and disarrayed.

Was it her destiny in life to wait beside the hospital beds of those she loved and cared about? This was the second time she'd been forced to watch as Lucas lie unconscious, fighting for his life, and it seemed like it was only yesterday that she'd been here in this very hospital waiting with her father on news of her mother. She hoped there would be a day when her life would be free of this sort of tragedy, but it would all be meaningless if Lucas wasn't there with her.

Peyton reached out and ran a hand through Lucas's hair tenderly. Before she could stop herself, she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Hi," she whispered.

She took hold of his limp hand. His skin felt clammy and lukewarm so Peyton squeezed firmly, hoping to infuse some warmth into him. "So, your mom is a mess, Luke. She's trying to be strong, but it's hard for her, you know? I mean, she just lost Keith and I don't think she could handle losing you too. And neither could Nathan or Haley. Especially Haley. She blames herself, Luke. She's beating herself up so badly right now and she needs you to wake up and tell her it isn't her fault. She needs you, Luke, and so does your mom, and…and I need you. I need you, Luke."

She wiped her eyes and sniffed, unable to halt the tears. "Last week, when you came into my room and told me you loved me, I didn't know what to say. For the longest time, I thought you'd left your feelings for me behind. I didn't think there would ever be a chance for us again, and I tried as hard as I could to move on with Jake. For a little while, it almost worked, but I guess I just couldn't let go of you. I loved Jake, but I could never really let go of you, or us. Because the truth is, Luke, I love you too, I never stopped. I tried to ignore it, because it hurt so bad the last time I lost you, and because getting you back as a friend was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I didn't want to ruin that.

But mostly, I was just scared. I was scared of going through all of it again and I've been scared for so long now. But, I don't want to be afraid anymore. Ellie told me once that there was nothing to be afraid of because it's just life. So you have to wake up, Luke, so I can tell you face-to-face that I love you and that I'm not afraid of us anymore."

Peyton didn't try to hold herself back. She let herself cry because she needed to, and she hoped that maybe, somewhere deep down, Lucas would hear her distress and come back to save her. He'd always had a knack for doing that. She cupped his cheek with her hand and bent down over him, placing her forehead directly to his.

"C'mon Luke," she whispered. "Just open your eyes. Open your eyes and tell me you love me. Just wake up. Please, wake up."

"_Wake up._"

* * *

"_Wake up."_

_Lucas stubbornly refused. He kept his eyelids tightly shut and did the best he could to block out the intruding voice. He was bone-tired and just wanted to sleep. He felt the bed dip violently as someone jumped on it and he knew then that his desire for rest would be left unfulfilled for the time being. He slowly opened his eyes and peered through his lids at his best friend, who was sitting near the foot of his bed, a perplexed look on her heart-shaped face._

"_What, Hales?"_

"_What do you mean 'what?' Since when do you take late-afternoon naps?"_

"_Since I've had a long day," he remarked lazily. It seemed like he had to fight with every ounce of his being just to keep his eyes open._

_Haley blinked. "Oh. Want to tell me about it?"_

_Lucas barely had the energy to shrug. "Not much to tell, really. Coach Durham asked me to join the team."_

"_What?" Haley nearly shouted, wide-eyed. "You're kidding me! What did you say?"_

"_What do you think? Like I'm going to play on the same team as my jerkass brother." Lucas felt the energy bleeding out of him. It took effort to even speak and he just really wanted to sleep._

"_Yeah," Haley replied. She casually stretched out beside him on the bed until they were laying side-by-side. "Guess playing on the team with the jerk that's tormented you since grade school while the even bigger jerk that abandoned you cheered in the stands wouldn't make for a very fun experience."_

"_Not hardly," Lucas quipped._

_For a while, the two were silent as they aimlessly stared up at the white ceiling. "So is that all that happened?" Haley asked._

"_Well," Lucas began. "There was something else."_

"_What?"_

"_When I was working at the shop, I had to go out on a service call," Lucas explained. "It was Peyton."_

_Haley scrunched her brow. "Wait. Peyton as in Peyton Sawyer?"_

"_The one and only."_

"_Wow," said Haley. "So you two actually talked?"_

"_If by talk, you mean bitch about her boyfriend and life in general for ten minutes, then yeah, I guess you could say we talked, though she did all the bitching," Lucas joked, still trying to stave off lethargy._

_Haley chuckled. "Smooth."_

_Lucas tried to laugh it but came out as more of a snuffle. "Yeah, but actually, we did kind of have a moment."_

"_A moment?"_

"_It was just a moment," Lucas said. "But in that moment, it really felt like we connected."_

_Haley was silent. Then: "You've been obsessed with her since fifth grade. There was a time when you wouldn't shut-up about Peyton Sawyer for even two seconds. On-and-on about how misunderstood and mysterious she was, and how you wanted to free her from Nathan and be with her. I kind of always felt that you put her up on an unreachable pedestal and that you had an unrealistic image of her in your head."_

_Haley paused for a second._

"_So the question is," she continued. "Now that you've spoken to her can you finally admit that Peyton Sawyer is human after all?"_

_Lucas was steadily descending into unconsciousness but he managed to summon up just enough energy to give a reply. _

"_No Hales, she's not human. She's an angel," he murmured. "And she's my angel."_

_And with that, Lucas finally surrendered to sleep._

_How long he slept, he wasn't sure, but when Lucas woke up, the room was bathed in a flamey-orange glow. The sun was almost set, Lucas knew instinctively, and the coral hue marked the onset of twilight. The space next to him on the bed was empty and he sensed that Haley was long gone. He sat up and surveyed his room curiously. Not an ounce of fatigue lingered in his bones and he wondered why he'd been so exhausted earlier._

_Lucas got off the bed and stood up, once again taking a long look around the room. Just then, he got a strong impression that he needed to go somewhere but he wasn't sure where. Slowly, he approached the outside door and opened it. Out on the wrap-around porch of the house now, he was mesmerized by how beautiful everything seemed to be rendered by the reddish-orange aura of the setting sun. What's more, the air tasted sweater than anything Lucas had ever experienced and it felt as though the breeze was caressing him tenderly._

_It was a perfect moment._

_As he walked toward the front of the house, the light seemed to get steadily brighter. When he reached the front porch, the light was absolutely brilliant but not blinding. Someone was on the porch with him._

"_Hello Luke."_

_Lucas squinted a bit. "Keith?"_

_Indeed, it was his Uncle Keith. As the man ventured forward Lucas was able to see him more clearly. Dressed in a white button-down and a pair of simple jeans, it was definitely his late uncle. "How are you, Luke?"_

"_Good, I guess," was Lucas's only response. "Keith, are you…allowed to be here?'_

"_Of course I am," Keith replied matter-of-factly. "You're the one that's not supposed to be here. Not yet, anyway."_

"_Oh," Lucas said. "Wait, so does that mean this place is…."_

"_Not exactly," Keith answered before Lucas could finish his sentence. "It's a sort of precursor."_

"_I don't understand."_

"_It isn't important right now," said Keith. "You need to go home."_

"_How?"_

"_Just turn toward the light," Keith explained, gesturing toward the ambience beyond the porch steps. "You'll get to where you need to go, I promise."_

"_I'm scared, Keith."_

_Keith placed a hand on his shoulder. "Luke, there's nothing to be afraid of. A whole lot of people who love you are waiting for you to get back."_

_Lucas felt raw emotion billow up inside him as his eyes burned with tears. "God Keith, I miss you so much."_

_They hugged briefly and when they separated, Keith stood for a moment and looked Lucas straight in the eye. "Luke, you know I love you. And I'm proud of you. We'll see each other again one day, you believe that."_

_Lucas nodded but didn't speak for fear that he might break down right there._

"_Now go on home, son."_

_Lucas silently turned away from the only father he had ever known and proceeded down the porch steps and into the golden light. He halted and turned back toward Keith. "Thanks…dad."_

_Keith gave him a big smile and then, almost like a mirage, shimmered and then faded out of existence. Swallowing a lump, Lucas knew that was the sign that there was no going back. He stepped into the light._

_At once, he was immersed in pure luminosity. Light so absolute it practically had its own mass. And then, abruptly, he came before a house and Lucas knew immediately that he'd reached his destination. The house was a two-story home with red-brick frame and a white awning that overlooked the porch. Parked in front was a black, vintage Mercury Comet._

_He was home. This was his home._

_Down the walkway and up the porch steps and he was standing before the white door. He hesitated for only a couple of seconds before he placed his hand on the doorknob. Finally, he turned the doorknob, pushed the door inward, and stepped inside._

_He went home._

_

* * *

_Groggy, so groggy. Lucas tried to pull himself back to full consciousness, but it was like escaping quicksand. His throat felt like the inside of a desert cave and there was a weight pressing on his chest. Where the hell was he and what had he been doing up till now?

He opened his eyes and immediately closed them again. His head ached terribly and he felt slightly dizzy. Slowly, he attempted to open his eyes again. The first thing he noticed was a tuft of blonde hair. A familiar and welcome fragrance drifted into his nostrils, one he knew immediately. It was her.

His vision cleared slightly, and as Lucas fought back the pain and dizziness he was able to ascertain that he was in a hospital and that an angel was resting its head on his chest. His memory was still muddled and he desperately clawed at it hoping to find some clue as to how he'd gotten here. What had he been doing right before…?

Right. He'd been about to knock down a shot and then…pain, horrible pain. His heart. He'd had a heart attack. His memory cleared up and he recalled everything. He was an idiot, no two ways about it. His selfishness had landed him in his current predicament and he knew he was going to have a lot of apologizing to do after he recovered.

Lucas turned his attention back to the girl of his dreams. He couldn't believe she was here right now, like this. He didn't want to get his hopes up but he couldn't help it. Peyton Sawyer was slumped over him, sound asleep, and he so badly wanted to kiss her whether she was with Jake or not. Surely, this had to mean something.

Lucas attempted to move his arm but discovered that his muscles were practically linguini. How long had he been out? There didn't seem to be any windows in the room so he couldn't tell if it was night or day. With redoubled effort, he finally succeeded in making his left arm work, if only slightly. Straining against the IV drip, Lucas slowly and shakily smoothed Peyton's hair. He just couldn't _not_ touch her.

She stirred, let out a soft whimper that Lucas found absolutely adorable, and then finally lifted her head off his now sore chest, and turned to glance at him. Her green eyes went from bleary, to shocked, and then to tearful.

"Lucas?" she whispered hopefully.

"Hey beautiful," Lucas choked out, his voice worn from non-use.

"Luke, you're awake." Her voice cracked and tears spilled down her cheeks. "We thought you'd never wake up, but you're awake."

He hated to see her cry, but in spite of the pain and his precarious condition, he felt pleasant shivers course through him at the sight of her gorgeous face. "I had to wake up. Otherwise, I would've never been able to see you again."

Peyton smiled a watery smile in response but said nothing.

"Sorry," Lucas apologized. "You're with Jake now, and I shouldn't…"

"No, I'm not," she interrupted. "Not anymore. We broke up."

Lucas was taken back. "I'm sorry, Peyton. When did this happen?"

"Luke, you've been asleep for a week."

Lucas was stunned. A week? No wonder he felt so wrecked. "Wow."

Peyton nodded. "Yeah. I broke things off with Jake a few days ago."

"Why?" Lucas questioned.

"Because I love you, Luke," she said. "I couldn't keep leading Jake on anymore."

Lucas wondered if he was still dreaming. Peyton, however, proved that he wasn't when she leaned down and kissed him. Her lips were soft and delicious and the kiss was so incredibly _**real**_ that Lucas knew without a doubt that this was actually happening.

After a few seconds, she pulled back and the two simply locked eyes for a minute. What passed between them in that instant was more than either one of them could ever convey with simple words. It was clarity and wonder and sheer love so pure it was almost overwhelming. Had he not just had a heart attack and been so weak, he would've jumped for joy.

"I love you, too, Peyton," was all he said, and it was enough.

Peyton crashed her lips onto his again and then wrapped him up in a fierce hug. Lucas basked in her scent and the feel of her, wishing he had the strength to fully hug her back. She put her lips to his ear and whispered: "It was always you, Luke. I was so scared of getting hurt again and I'm sorry I made it seem like I didn't want you, but I did, Luke, I do. I'm not scared anymore and I want to be with you."

"It's okay, Peyt."

Suddenly, she sprung up. "Oh my God, I have to go find a nurse. I have to tell everyone, you're awake!"

Lucas chuckled weakly. "Relax, Peyt, I'm okay."

She rushed to the door, but Lucas stopped her. "Peyt?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

She looked at him quizzically. "For what?"

"All sorts of things."

* * *

_One Month Later_

"Okay P. Sawyer, stop stalling!" Brooke yelled through the bathroom door.

Taking a breath, Peyton opened the door and stepped out. "Well?" she asked apprehensively.

"'Well?'" Brooke exclaimed. "You look amazing!"

"I don't know," she said, looking down at the dress she'd just put on. "I'm not sure it's really me."

"Oh, stop it. I designed it, remember? And since I'm your best friend, I think I know what's you and what isn't." Brooke fixed her with a playful glare, daring Peyton to challenge her. Peyton knew better, of course.

"Okay," she conceded. "You win. It's fantastic."

Brooke's face broke out into a huge grin. "Of course it is! I made it, after all."

Peyton shook her head. Typical Brooke. The brunette forced her down into the chair near her bed.

"Now, we have to do your hair," said Brooke. "Sit still and behave."

Peyton laughed and as Brooke tended to her hair the two chatted aimlessly. The two friends had gotten back on track over the past month. All the Lucas-drama between them had finally been put to rest for good, though Peyton could sense that Brooke hadn't totally gotten over her split with Lucas. But day-by-day, things were getting better and Peyton was just happy to have her best friend back fully.

"So, have you heard from Jake lately?" Brooke asked out of the blue.

"Not really," Peyton said. "He sends me emails every once in awhile, usually about Jenny, but we don't talk that much."

It hadn't been easy ending things with Jake. Lucas was the love of her life, but Peyton still cared about Jake deeply and it had hurt her to have to hurt him. He hadn't been completely surprised when she'd come to him with the decision to break up, but he had been incredibly sad. Still, Jake had understood why they'd needed to end things and had even wished her and Lucas well. She missed Jenny, but Peyton couldn't let herself use the little girl and her father as a makeshift family. She already had a family.

Finished with Peyton's hair, Brooke came around and stood in front of her to examine her handy work. "Alright P, you're good to go. Together, the two of us might actually steal the spotlight from the bride."

"Yeah, well, we should be thankful that Haley hasn't turned out to be one of those bridezillas," Peyton joked.

"The day's still young," Brooke quipped.

The girls shared a laugh.

* * *

Lucas hated ties. He hated having to wear suits or tuxedos in general, but tying the tie was easily the worst part.

His shoes were on, his slacks in place, his belt firmly secured, and his dress shirt buttoned and tucked in. The only thing standing between him and the suit jacket was the stupid tie. Try as he might, he couldn't get the thing fastened properly. It didn't help that he was still somewhat sluggish from the heavy-duty meds he'd been taking and his coordination was slightly off because of it. Come next week, he would go off the heavy stuff and resume taking the ordinary pills he'd have to take for the rest of his life to control his HCM.

No matter what, though, his days playing competitive basketball were over. Lucas was fine with that. He wouldn't have been before, but now, he had far too much to live for. He would never allow himself to be selfish again and risk his well-being over a game, even a game that had been an integral part of him and his life since he was a toddler. Indeed, he had too much to live for. He had Peyton to live for.

Of course, one of the worst things about the doctors' prescription of light activity had been the fact that he and Peyton hadn't been able to do much of anything for the past several weeks. Still, they'd made staying in fun. She'd put on a record while Lucas read and she drew, just like old times. They would play games, but mostly, they would just talk. It felt as though they were getting to know each other all over again and Lucas wouldn't trade a second of it.

He heard his door open and he turned. What he saw took his breath away and almost gave him a another heart attack right then and there. Peyton, in a silky apple-red dress, her blonde hair done up elegantly, and her tanned legs on display.

"Wow Peyton, you look…" His mouth was dry and he couldn't even finish his sentence.

Peyton smiled shyly. "You can thank Brooke. She made the dress."

Lucas walked over to her as she closed the door behind her. Aching to touch her, he placed his hands on her bare shoulders, relishing the feel of her insanely smooth skin. "Yeah, but you're the one that makes the dress look good."

Her cheeks colored red, practically matching her dress. She never could take compliments. Her eyes landed on his mangled tie.

"Here, let me do that for you," she said, her delicate hands reaching out for the stubborn piece of attire. For the next minute Lucas watched, mesmerized by the movement of her hands, and he couldn't stop himself from staring at her cleavage. In that moment, he wanted her.

Red-hot arousal pumped through his veins and he could tell that she was just as affected as he was by their proximity. The tie was done, but Lucas made no move for his suit jacket nor did Peyton remove her hands from the tie. Instead, he gently took her hands in his, electrified by the skin-to-skin contact and the two just stared at one another as the air practically sparked with tension.

Then, he was kissing her fiercely and hungrily. Her arms were around him in seconds and he was taking her and pressing her body up against his. The only sounds in the room were the frantic smacking of their lips and their frenzied breaths.

"Luke…your heart," she said in between kisses.

"It's fine," he assured her.

Before long, he had her on his bed, her legs wrapped around him, their kisses intensifying. This was something Lucas had wanted for so long he could barely believe it was happening, but it was. This time, unlike last year at Dan's party, he knew he was getting all of her.

"Luke…your…mom…" she gasped out.

They paused for a few seconds, each trying to catch their breath. "No…my mom's already at the church."

She looked at him and then grabbed him, rolled them over, and straddled him. Surprised and delighted, Lucas laid back and waited for her to proceed. Their gazes met and the rest of the world seemed to fade away. "I love you so much, Peyton."

"I've wanted this for so long," she whispered.

"And now we can have it. All of it."

With that, Peyton pounced on him, her lips smashing into his, her tongue forcing entry into his mouth. His tie was torn away by the very hands that had assembled it, and not long after, all clothes were discarded. They were going to be very, very late to Nathan and Haley's second wedding.

That was okay, though. One day, he and Peyton would have a chance to attend another wedding. Only it wouldn't be Nathan and Haley standing at the altar next time.

**~Suddenly Everything is Clear End **(finally)


End file.
